Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Justin Bieber: Blow Me!

The Sun.

Here's the classy sales pitch - which says it isn't just aimed at gay men;

Meet Just-In Beaver, the barely legal boy-toy who's waited 18 long years to stick his lil' dicky in something sticky! When he's not busy beating up paparazzi or beating off, he's up to his high-tops in hot Hollywood tail! But the Beave-ster doesn't have this effect just on women - he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off! So what are you waiting for, inflate this lil' pricks's ego even more and have your very own Beaver bash!

The Sun should have read the small print.
I'm not sure how you could use it as an "inflatable sex partner".
It's a toy - and only 12"s tall.*

PS Please let me know if you buy one. I'm wondering if these actually exist, and think this could all just be a - highly successful - PR stunt by online sex shop, Pipedream Products.

* Awaiting confirmation on this from Pipedreams, as it has become a subject of heated debate, and I may have got this hopelessly wrong.


  1. The package (Ahem!) is 12" tall, but the contents apparently inflate...

    Features and Functions: Inflates, Novelty, Multiple Entry

  2. You may want to read the specifications again - the doll is 12"s tall, the "package"/"box" (fnar fnar etc) is 14 1/2"s long...


  3. They also do a Barack Obama inflatable doll, with an "Oval Orifice..."

  4. I'm troubled by that hyphen.
    Is that correct usage?

    If it isn't, perhaps Justin would be better aiming his fury at THAT.
    Poor grammar is unacceptable.

  5. There are 18 packages inside each case (more "fnar, fnar"). These are the wholesale cases. Are we reading the same thing:

    Item Number: PD3582-00

    UPC Code: 603912320152

    Case Count: 18

    Item Package Depth: 2 in. - ( 5 cm )
    Item Package Width: 7.75 in. - ( 20 cm )
    Item Package Height: 12 in. - ( 30 cm )
    Item Packaged Weight: 13.70 oz. ( 388 grams )
    Item Package Type: Box

    Case Depth: 19 in. - ( 48 cm )
    Case Width: 12.5 in. - ( 32 cm )
    Case Height: 16.5 in. - ( 42 cm )

    Features and Functions: Inflates, Novelty, Multiple Entry

    Material: Vinyl
    Country of Origin: China

  6. They are in stock on their retail site for $32.95. Here:

    Dimensions are blank... unfortunately.
    Bet you can't wait for the "Tom does it Daily" doll...!!

    1. I shall check with Pipedreams on this later for I am now quite flummoxed!

      I did ask Madame Tussauds if I could have a copy made of their lifesize Tom Daley dummy, but it was WAY out of my price range. :(


      PS Apparently they are "out of stock" and it says they only made five (?). Again I shall enquire whenever they roll into work today...

  7. If you click on the link in my above post, they are 'In Stock'. I went through the whole process and then made a swift exit at the Credit Card details!

  8. Thinking about it you're probably right, Mikey.
    If you make/sell blow-up dolls - the crappy ones that are sold as novelty items for hen/sex parties etc (not the lifelike deluxe ones), it'd be pretty easy to print an approximation of anyone's face on a few...

  9. Regarding the hyphen usage, could this poem by e. e. Cummings have any bearing on the matter:

    [in Just-]


    in Just-
    spring when the world is mud-
    luscious the little
    lame balloonman

    whistles far and wee

    and eddieandbill come
    running from marbles and
    piracies and it's

    when the world is puddle-wonderful

    the queer
    old balloonman whistles
    far and wee
    and bettyandisbel come dancing

    from hop-scotch and jump-rope and




    balloonMan whistles