Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Russell Kane: The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores

Hands up, I admit it. I am not exactly the butchest of men. But you know what? That’s a good thing. No, it’s an excellent thing, and I’ll tell you why: the girls love it.
What I’m doing is nothing original. Everyone knows a bloke who camps it up as a cheeky strategy to attract a certain type of (usually stunning) girl. What I’ve done is take it to the next level, just to see how robust this mating system actually is – and I can report huge returns...

Contrary to what some homophobic, 19th-century relics might think, a man doing girlie things doesn’t necessarily make him girlie. If Geoff from Rotherham has the confidence to paint Bobbi Brown gel eyeliner on the inside of his lower lid, then laugh in a slightly camp head-tossing fashion, it means one of two things to most girls:

1) “He’s genuinely effeminate. Fair enough. Friend material” (even this could mean a long-term rumpy-pumpy win).

2) “Oh my God, Geoff is so comfortable with his masculinity that he doesn’t need to display it. He’s just the kind of sex god I’d love to take me to Pizza Express for a Sloppy Giuseppe.” Getting it now?

OK, so you may not want to take playing camp quite as far as me. When people arrive at my website, the No.1 search term that has brought them there is not “comedian”, “tour” or “book”. No, it’s: “Is Russell Kane gay?” I love it. Keep people guessing, refuse labels, eff the system, I say.

Russell Kane writing in The Sun.

Sadly Russell seems to have confused "being camp" with being a tedious unfunny wanker who wears eyeliner.
Still, cor, what a geezer, eh?

PS Here's your actual top 10 Google search terms for Russell Kane, ie no-one else seems to care if this patronising buffoon is gay or not...


  1. Keep people guessing, refuse labels, eff the system, I say.

    At the end of an article that's basically him stating that he so isn't gay in fact he's a proper geezer in a little bit of make-up who loves the wimmins, like, A LOT; and his seeming gayness is just a ploy to bed the lasses.

  2. He's been saying the exact same for donkeys

  3. I like how he let The Sun change 'Fuck the system' to 'Eff the system'...
    Fight da power, dude!!!!