Thursday, 31 July 2014

Brighton Pride: You Are Welcome

In a statement, which they clearly didn't write themselves but we'll pretend they did, David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Ed Miliband, Caroline Lucas, Nick Griffin and Nigel Farage have all expressed their support for Brighton Pride.

'Brighton Pride is good,' they said. 'Good Brighton Pride is. I have absolutely no objections to you people walking from one place to another. This shows the wonderful, colourful vibrancy that makes Hull Brighton such a great place to work on a minimum wage.'

'I would like to take this opportunity to thank myself for fighting so hard in your battle for equality.'

'Thank you and god bless'.

My local Tesco gets into the spirit!
Top gay-friendly corporate crooks Barclays have really pushed the boat out!
PS Good to see Sussex Police and Brighton & Hove Council aren't taking any chances over those radical queer beach BBQs.

Pink News: Dear

Dear Pink News,

One of the first things they teach schoolkids about sociology is 'correlation is not causation'.

Your readers deserve better than this beyond inane trivial crapola.

You seem to have been hijacked by 12 year-olds recently.

Gay Star News has cornered the market in gay fuckwittery, no need to follow them.



Update: Oh god they've topped themselves! A gay-friendly hairdresser may open in New York!!! Whatever next? Thanks to Anson. x

Uh-oh! Looks like Gay Star News have upped the stakes!

Fagburn: Meet Olly Swan-Muncher-Gymkhana Our New Intern

Hiya guys!

I don't know the first fucking thing about anything, but have been allowed to write for Fagburn, while he's at the beach.
Anyhoo, it's a real pleasure to be writing for Gay Pink Star Attitude Independent News!
Here's something I just read in the Daily Mail online without checking it.
I don't really do news, I just Google shit and then cut-and-paste crap from Wikipedia instead of research.
Or thinking.
What does it matter if it's days old?
If I write something like FIERCENESS! no-one will know I went to St Cake's, right?
You go girl! [Subs - Is that what they say?]
Have you heard about Alan Turing?
He was gay and is now dead!
So sad about that.
Openly gay TV comic Graham Norton is openly gay, did you know that?
Russia? BOO!

[Undeclared advertorial for the Bank Of Belsen - they have now put a rainbow flag on their website. Yay!]

Here's another meaningless poll.
And now a HEART-WARMING made-up letter about gay dads.
That is literally going viral!
Have you thought about a holiday in Tel Aviv?
Those IDF men are smoking hot!
And finally, a press release about Peter Tatchell.
So brave!
So very, very brave.


[You're sacked, you posh spaz - Ed.]

Faggot: Faggot

This is almost certainly the most barfy article I've read since this.
Why does so much of the straight media's online coverage of The Gays read like it would be rejected by a school magazine?
Cause patronising wet liberals?

PS Also note the illustration, a rainbow flag over some faceless gay men. A double-whammy! For shame.

Israel: Oh Fuck You

And while thousands die the gay media can just print salutations to top gay holiday destination Israel.

Why LGBT People Around The World Need Israel James Duke Mason, The Advocate.

Or why not take a holiday in 'the gayest city in the world'?

Tel Aviv is famous for it's neverending beach-line. A magnificent 14km of blue sea, open horizon, sun and lots of people, make the Tel Aviv beach a perfect place for spending many hours of your vacation.

Along the seashore you will find a promenade which is always busy with people around the clock. Take a bike ride, jog, go for a swim, or enjoy the dozens of restaurants, cafe's, pubs, discos and more, there is always action at the beach.

Odd that it's the same gay far right-wing Russia bashers, like Michael Lucas and James Kirchick, that are now getting kissy to the kid killers in Israel, dontchafink?
Anyone for more right-wing gay exceptionalist hegemony? 

Fagburn: Proust Questionnaire

In the absence of news, Fagburn (pictured above, recently) has published his solipsistic replies to the fabled Proust Questionnaire

What is your greatest fear?


Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Our lord Jesus.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?


What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Them all being complete cunts.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Fags, booze and hookers.

What is your favorite journey?

To Mecca for Hajj.

On what occasion do you lie?


What do you dislike most about your appearance?

My massive knob.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

It's a toss-up between Bonnie Langford and Hitler.

When and where were you happiest?

Fuck knows.

Fagburn, pictured recently with his new bae.
Which talent would you most like to have?

To be able to play the pink oboe.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My infinite love for all human life.

What is your current state of mind?

Clinically bonkers.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would prefer it if they hadn't amputated both my legs.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

That they won the lottery.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?


Where would you like to live?


What is your favorite occupation?


What is the quality you most like in a man?

A penis.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

A penis.

What do you most value in your friends?

A penis.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Chomsky, Albert Camus, Cornelius Cardew, Edward Carpenter, Leonard Cohen, Peter Cook, Tom Daley, Larry David, Diogenes, Albrecht Dürer, Elvis, Brian Eno, Bobby Fischer, Yuri Gagarin, Gramsci, Hunx, TE Lawrence, Chelsea Manning, Chairman Mao, Max Miller, my mum, Nietzsche, Dorothy Parker, Grayson Perry, Bertrand Russell, Lisa Simpson, Mark E Smith, Tito, Tom, Björn Ulvæus, Warhol, Oscar Wilde, Kenneth Williams, Wittgenstein, and, most importantly, my penis.

What is your favorite name?


How would you like to die?

In a suicide bomb at the Pentagon.

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Sports: Diving

Don't forget it's the men's diving today in the Commonwealth Games.
Thankfully these cheating American whores can't take part.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Fagburn: A Rope Over An Abyss

Sorry, there's nothing going on today - I mean can you believe this vacuous inane shit? - so here's a picture of Andy Warhol buying some soup.

How little pleasure most people need to make them find life good, how modest man is!

Good day.

Silly Season: Fucking Stupid Season More Like

I give up.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Google: Question

Type “Is my husband” and the first suggestion – the most popular query – is “gay”...

Daley Thompson: No Idea

“I didn’t even know John Barrowman was Scottish - never mind gay."

'British athletics icon', Daley Thompson, The Sun.

Otto Dix: The Day War Broke Out

World War One started 100 years ago today.
Otto Dix died 45 years ago today (more or less).

Ruth Hunt: Practising Catholic

The Independent.

Stonewall statement.

Stonewall are now going to do more with the tranny community, The Guardian reports [Subs, is this okay?]

Update: Interview with The Independent.

The quote the media liked best...

“Nicky Morgan wrote to me this week saying she was very keen to tackle homophobic bullying in schools, and there’s a very real commitment to shifting attitudes in schools/

“I think the next step is about going into preschools. We need to encourage [under-fives] to think about different families. Loads of kids these days have two mums or two dads – or at least gay uncles and aunts...

“The most important thing is that it’s all age appropriate, but we grew up reading Cinderella and that didn’t turn me into a blatant heterosexual, so we need to just chill out a bit, don’t we? Banning books is never the way. There’s no evidence whatsoever that you can make anyone gay.”

Andrew Pierce: Michael Cashman

Talking of second-raters, the rumour is that former EastEnders actor Michael Cashman - the first openly gay character in a TV soap - is to be elevated by Ed Miliband to a peerage in this new intake.

After his TV career faded when he left the soap in 1989, Cashman became a Labour MEP and gay rights activist.

Aptly named, he was embroiled in controversy in 2008 when it emerged he was paying his civil partner Paul Cottingham £30,000 a year of taxpayers’ money as an ‘accounts manager, personnel manager and payroll administrator’.

Pierce on Cashman is surely the unspeakable in full pursuit of the unelectable?

PS The charming Mr Pierce adds; 'I’m delighted Evan Davis is to be the new face of BBC2’s Newsnight in succession to Jeremy Paxman. Now that he’s leaving Radio 4’s Today programme, I can start listening to it again.'

Update: Oh and a book alleges the young Mr Cashman used to be a right-wing Tory - sounds like him and Andrew should be bosom buddies.

Sherlock: My Dear Watson

Ever since the drama was launched in 2010, there has been a running joke that the TV duo might be more than just good friends.

Landlady Mrs Hudson, played by Una Stubbs, 77, often makes cheeky references to their sexuality when she drops in on Holmes (Benedict Cumberbatch, 38) and Watson (Martin Freeman, 42).

A new series is due late next year and, as a result, die hard Sherlockians have bombarded the Beeb with their own saucy plotlines and explicit drawings which turn the characters into randy gays.

The show’s shocked co-creator Mark Gatiss, 47, revealed: “Oh my God. I get sent things that would make your hair turn white. It’s not just Sherlock and Watson holding hands on a park bench, I can tell you that.

“Some of them are incredibly graphic but my goodness I’ve not tried half the things they’re doing.”

Gatiss claims he is to blame for the deluge of gay fiction.

He says when he and Steven Moffat, 52, revived the classic stories for the BBC they added the joke about Sherlock and Watson potentially being gay partners.

The actor and writer says they stole the idea from the Billy Wilder film about the sleuth in 1970.

He tells the Australian gay magazine DNA: “Sherlock is asked to father a child with a Russian ballerina and gets out of it by claiming he and Watson are a couple. We took that and went with it.”

Daily Star - can't find the DNA interview.

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Fagburn: Comment

PS I love Tom.

Fagburn: Why This Country Needs A Revolution


Oh, give us guns.

And don't get me started on those posh Warwick rowers.

They are fucking everywhere!

Why, one might think the gay media is written mostly by ex-public school boys still acting out their boarding room fantasies about other toffs.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Bullingdon Club is trying to take over even your sexual fantasies.

Wank for communism! Wank for anarchy! Wank for socialism! Wank for bread! Wank for class war!

Proms: Balls

When last Sunday’s Prom is broadcast on television next month, there won’t be any yawning gaps in the audience – even though the Royal Albert Hall event was far from sold out.

Before conductor Valery Gergiev lifted his baton for the performance of Mahler’s Symphony No 6 by the World Orchestra for Peace – a broad international collective of leading musicians in honour of the United Nations – swathes of audience members had to be moved to fill the empty seats that were in full view of the television cameras.

According to our man in the stalls, there were almost 300 empty seats. Those in the upper balcony were encouraged to fill the most glaring gaps.

One “prommer” said: “With a star like Gergiev, top-drawer players and an orchestra with such an inspiring name, it should have been full. But it was anything but.

“The only reason I can think of for this is that people stayed away in protest at Gergiev’s politics.”

Gergiev is an ardent supporter of the Putin government, and counts the president as a close friend.

Last November, gay-rights campaigner Peter Tatchell interrupted an LSO concert at London’s Barbican, telling the audience: “Gergiev defends the new homophobic law that persecutes gay Russians.”

Yeah, that's right, Paul, Proms-goers organised a mass boycott of Gergiev, presumably after Googling to find out where he stands on the whole Putin/gay thing. That so happened...

'Mildred, I've just checked and apparently this Russian conductor chappie is a bit equivocal about the gays and Mr Putin.'

'Well George, that's settled it, we won't go then...'

John Grant: Recycled Thought For The Day

“I think, as long as you can be comfortable in your own skin, who gives a damn?"

Paedomania: Maggie & Me

A FORMER top policeman has told how he warned PM Margaret Thatcher that one of her senior aides was suspected of holding sex parties for underage boys.

Personal bodyguard Barry Strevens informed Maggie of damning intelligence that Peter Morrison could be a paedo — but she ignored it and promoted him to a key role regardless.

Maggie appointed Morrison, who she trusted as a loyal confidant, to be deputy party chairman in the 1980s despite police misgivings about his private life.

Besides rumours of sex parties, stories abounded of him kerb-crawling and being cautioned for having sex with a boy of 15 in a public toilet.

Old Etonian Morrison — now dead — has since also been linked to scandals at children’s homes in Wales.

Last night Barry, now 70 and retired, said of Mrs Thatcher’s decision to promote him: “I wouldn’t say she was naive but I would say she would not have thought people around her would be like that...'

The Sun on Sunday - finally naming Morrison who The Sunday People front paged last week.

Evan Davis: The Creepy Bad Art Continueth!

The Sunday Times.

I'd sue.

Does it really matter if she's got her tits pierced? Not sure how this could impact on the interviewing lying politicians thing.

PS Quite baffling piece by Peter Preston in The Observer - almost certainly the worst and most inelegant person who's ever got paid for trying to put a sentence together.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Vision On Gallery: Today's Lucky Winner

And this week's winner is Sophie Tit-Gymkhana-Munch, who sent us this delightful portrait of Mr Evan Davis.

A liftetime at Leicester Square surely awaits.

Please bear (bare?) in mind it is the school holidays, so The Independent can only unemploy talentless 12 year-olds who know daddy.

And/or Mrs Mr Lebedev.

All your wonderful paintings will be returned if they came with the appropriate postage. Except for the Rolf Harris ones.

Peter Tatchell: An Outing

In a shock move, the controversial but publicity-shy gayhumanrights campaigner, Peter Tatchell, has said he will now out himself.
'I have been left no option but to try and get my face in the papers again,' he said in a press release.
'Yes, I am a rampant self-publicist and it's time someone stood up and said so.'
He continued.
'Even though I say I single-handedly gave birth to gay liberation in the 70s, I went back in the closet during the Bermondsey by-election in 1983.'
'I would now like to out myself as a hypocrite'.
Asked whether his media-hungry egotism was in any way responsible for the decline of grassroots left-wing gay activism, Saint Peter clutched a mirror and kissed it.
'Do you think Pink News and The Independent will run this?' he faxed. ''Only everyone else puts my stuff in the bin.'

The Krays: I Can't Believe I'm Hearing This!

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with today's Fagburn, 60's gangland legend, Nick 'The Hat' O'Leary, reveals all.

'They were both gay,' he said.

'And secretly they were both twins, and called Kray.'

'The Kray Twins - that's what we used to call 'em.'

'Not to their faces, mind.'

'Not a lot of people know this, but when Ron was in Broadmoor he used to do jigsaw puzzles of kittens.'

'When do I get paid, guv?'

Friday, 25 July 2014

Donna Summer: Lucky

Enjoy your weekend.

Sex Crimes: The Week In Stupid

Schoolgirl given police caution after sexting topless selfie to her boyfriend - Daily Mirror.

Teacher banned for life after having sex with 17 year-old girl he met in a nightclub when he was 23 - Daily Mail.

87% of new internet users reject Cameron's porn filters - The Independent.

Journalist guest on BBC Breakfast says John Barrowman's gay kiss was 'inappropriate for children' - Pink News.

Police warn skinny dippers they could be put on the sex offenders' register - BBC News.

Ladies and gentlemen, this country is now officially FUCT!

Joe Orton: Portrait

By John Hobbs - He has some works for sale.

PS Nothing of note today, but Independent Voices have published this adorable article about the gays by a 12 year-old. So cute!

Tom Daley: Watersports

Tom done made new calendar.
Looks like she's into piss.
Well done Tom.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

John Barrowman: Lost In Translation

The ever-helpful Daily Express explain txtspeak to their older readers.


Drugs: The Problem With Pleasure

A third of gay or bisexual men took illegal drugs in the last year, according to official figures published today.

Drug use by gay or bisexual men was three times higher than for straight men and was higher in the majority of individual drugs consumed including cocaine, ecstasy, amphetamines and cannabis.

Illegal drug use by gay or bisexual women was four times higher at almost 23 per cent than among heterosexual women, figures from the Crime Survey of England and Wales said.

“Gay or bisexual adults were more likely to have taken any illicit drug in the last year than heterosexual adults. In particular, gay or bisexual men were the group most likely to have taken any illicit drug in the last year, with higher levels of illicit drug use than gay or bisexual women and heterosexual men”, the crime survey said.

The 2013/14 figures estimate a third of gay men and almost 23 per cent of gay women took an illegal drug in the past year compared with 11.1 per cent of heterosexual men...

For reasons that should be obvious, if there are two pretty everyday behaviours that it's hard to get reliable data on it's people's drug use and sexuality.

What's interesting here is that similar figures keep being reported; gay men are three times as likely as the general population to use recreational drugs - figures of around 30% to 10% also regularly surface.  

What Fagburn finds fascinating is why this is so often problematicised; the 'logic' presumably being that drugs are bad, and people only take them if they're mad or sad.

Of course, they used to say the same thing about buggery...

But why not accentuate the positive and frame it as; 'Yay! Gay men are having three times as much fun'.

PS Here's a textbook 'My Gay Drugs Hell' article from EQ View today. In what way does this tell us anything about the vast majority of gay men's experiences of drugs? Why are no other accounts permissible? Here's a report from London Friend on the above survey's findings - apparently it's 'a dismal picture'. Why? The current issue of Attitude has a feature about 'slamming' - as ever the source for this supposed 'epidemic' is our old friend David Stuart. I could go on...

Outing: Oops!

Pink News.

Twenty years ago OutRage! - meaning by then Peter Tatchell's personal fiefdom - threatened to out 10 CofE bishops and 20 MPs.

On March 20th 1995, the Belfast Telegraph ran a front page story saying that a leading Northern Ireland MP was on the list, and had been sent a warning letter.

Later that day, the Ulster Unionist MP, Sir James Kilfedder, suffered a heart attack and died.

Commonwealth Games: Hoots Mon Etc!

Tasteful and totally appropriate caption from Huffington Post, there. 
PANTO star John Barrowman left a global telly audience of over a billion [Yeah, right] gobsmacked — when he snogged a fella at last night’s Commonwealth Games opening ceremony.

The gay kiss was part of a barmy sequence that saw Susan Boyle fluff her song words, a dancer in undies grab his crotch and performers frolick inside giant Tunnock’s teacakes...

The Sun.

The Gretna Green kiss was quite cute, and I like seeing the ceremony as a low budget campy piss-take of the London Olympics extravaganza, though that may only be in my head.

The ever fatuous Gay Star News.
Not sure how this kiss would be a 'stunning rebuke' to anti-gay politicians and religious leaders who argue that homosexuality and the tolerance of it are a Western malaise we are trying to export, but there you go.

Expect the usual suspects to get incredibly over-excited about this - 'A brief gay kiss! Take that Third Worlders!' - like the walls of Jericho will now fall.

Funny how the gayers who are the most easily offended are also the most easily pleased.

Even the Mail approve - go figure.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Dora Bryan: 1923-2014

Leading English character actor - from a Taste Of Honey via Hello Dolly! to Victoria Wood As Seen On TV - hotelier, dog lover, and Fagburn's neighbour, too.

Vauxhall: Fucked?

And so the shrinking of Vauxhall’s scene picks up a pace. Orange, who own Fire and Area (noting Covert/ No. 65 has already had its license withdrawn) have announced Area’s to close. They say Network Rail and Lambeth Council aren’t letting the club their license as they want to turn the Albert Embankment into a “vibrant high street”. The politics of this news is complex but we do wonder if it’s because Orange has found it has too many venues to fill.

Whatever the reason, there’s no doubt things are changing in Vauxhall and not rosy for the scene. We’ve already lost Hidden, the Coloseum and the old Renaissance Rooms days are numbered. Four groups are involved: the local community, the emergency services, Lambeth Council, commercial interests and Orange Group.

The local communities long ago grew tired of what the scene brings. Cars parking outside your house, 24/7 noise including screaming, shouting, ambulances, police and the rest.

The Metropolitan Police and London Ambulance are the involved emergency services and have to deal with it all – though St Thomas’ down the road have also had enough. Scene casualties and the associated crime have raised alarm bells. It’s hard work and horrible to those in the caring professions. Examples? A man died being restrained outside Covert recently, ambulances position themselves from 6am to run a shuttle service to St Thomas’, a man died trolleyed falling under a train last year, muggings and homophobic assaults are up.

Enter commercial interest. The property boom and gentrification. Enormously powerful developers are building a huge amount of luxury skyscrapers in Vauxhall for the foreign market – China, Russia and other developing nations who don’t want to see or go out to gay venues. Developers need to pitch a cool and vibrant area and are giving millions to the local council when they need most. Money talks and the neighbourhoods on the up so no wonder Network Rail recognise there’s more cash from regular less troublesome tenants. M&S, Waitrose and others have already checked out every Albert Embankment venue – the sauna included...

Interesting article on DiscoDamaged.

Vauxhall's like another country to me now, but DD are usually reliable on such things.