Friday, 8 April 2011

Beautiful: A Tsunami Of Sentimental Vomit

Now I don't care about you, but when I want to know what press releases have been released to the gay press recently I turn straight to Pinkpaper.com.
Yesterday's lead story?
'Christina Aguilera's Beautiful Named Most-empowering Gay Anthem Of The Decade'
"Christina Aguilera’s smash-hit song Beautiful was the most empowering pop song of the last decade for lesbian, gay and bisexual people, according to Stonewall’s latest social media poll."
And here's the Stonewall press release they lifted that from; ''Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful was the most empowering pop song of the last decade for lesbian, gay and bisexual people, according to Stonewall’s latest social media poll.'
Please note the hard-working journalist at the Pink Paper has added the word "smash-hit".
Let's check the small print.
It wasn't a survey, Stonewall stressed it was a "multiple-choice, light-hearted poll", conducted online.
Visitors to their website could only choose between five (5) songs, "Who gives a fuck?", "None of the above" and Cruising by Hunx And His Punx were not options.
A massive 1,007 people could be arsed to click a button.
So what did Christina's tsunami of sentimental vomit actually beat?
In second place was Better by Boyzone, a record I doubt even Boyzone remember, but I guess got the Diana Vote (ie It features a dead person of whom we can speak no ill).
Third was the incomprehensible, patronising racketfest Born This Way by Lady Gaga.
In fourth the token Indie track, Standing In The Way of Control by (the) Gossip.
Beth Ditto says the song is about the Republican Party's war on "gay marriage", but I will give £500 in cash to anyone who can explain in what possible fucking way the song is about that, or indeed anything.
And five is Katy Perry with UR So Gay Fireworks - cause it had some gayers in the video or something.
Wow!
Both The Pink Paper and Stonewall offer a quote from Christina; "I’m delighted to have been voted the most inspirational pop act by Stonewall’s supporters – my gay fan base is so important to me and this continues my special relationship with them."
Really!?
If that wasn't written by someone in her press office then I'm Justin Bieber.
Apart from all that - what a great fucking story!

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