Sunday, 30 June 2013

Porn: The Land Of Make Believe

Think a hundred times, however, before you go further and tamper with the consensual behaviour of adults. Everyone who wants wide-ranging censorship prefers vague claims about ill-defined threats rather than precise information. Intelligence services want to ban all revelations about their work to preserve their mystique and hide their crimes. Religious people want to punish all cases of blasphemy to protect their jealous god or gods. Homophobes argue against homosexual equality because it poses some hazy threat to heterosexual marriage.
If the protesters can find a link between the mysterious world of consensual sexual fantasy and crime, they would be right to ban. But, if they charge ahead and legislate without even bothering to explain the connections between image and reality, word and deed, they will give up more than they know.

Nick Cohen, The Observer.

At last some sense from The Guardian/Observer, who've published no end of silly "ban porn" "ban stuff" "ban wanking" "ban everything" articles online of late.
Cohen's a bit like the late Christopher Hitchens, a neo-imperialist apologist who occasionally makes much sense, lucidly.
The piece is called Hate Porn, Sure, But Be Wary Of Banning It.
It's surely a sign of our collective sexual immaturity, that no writer appears honest enough to say he quite likes looking at porn and having a wank, like almost all men do.
Welcome to the land of make-believe.

"You're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns, and magic frogs with funny little hats."
Homer Simpson.

Oh, tell me when this madness ends.

PS Article on BBC News on why most "research" on porn and "harm" is junk science. Also listen to the radio programme linked; "Is it possible that what we call 'moral indignation' is just disgust for what doesn't turn us on?"
And here they explain why oft quoted statistics on online porn are made-up. Not that you can say any old rubbish in this "debate" and get away with it or anything...

PPS Always a tough choice, but this week's award for the stupidest anti-porn article has to go to this monumentally hysterical, dumb and dull piece by Hannah Pool in The Independent.
Stop wanking at Tesco!!!

Fagburn: Apropos Of Nothing

This was on when I was in Mulberry's just now, and - suddenly - I felt glad to be alive.
FTPA RIP 4 EVAH etc etc.

Update: Now number one - well done Electroscandipopladies!

Bobby Fischer: Mr Bingo

Bobby Fischer craved solitude, and ran from fame, but like all of us he still needed the occasional little ego-boost.
Anyway, Bobby walks into a restaurant...
The waitress kinda recognises him.
"Are you famous?", she asks.
"What are you famous for?"
"A board game."
"You're Mr Bingo!??"

PS Fagburn is still working on his musical about Bobby Fischer and the Cold War and shit, working title - Chess.

Religious News: God! Show Me Magic

God, Christians are boring.
Could anyone look more joyless, insincere and stupid?
Happy Sunday!

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Daily Mail: Colourful Scenes At London's Annual Gay Pride Parade

Photo from an ecstatic review on Mail Online - let's hope no-one on acid saw this charming scene.
Just wish I coulda been there.

Update: It gets worse! Lady Gaga sings the American national anthem at a NYC pride event - fantastically, hilariously, record-breakingly awful.

The Evening Standard and BBC News both put the number of attendees at Pride In London this year at "thousands" - remember when the media used to repuke the ludicrous, laughable claim that a million people went?

[Edit: BBC News Magazine on how crowds are counted, and why people get it wrong].

London Pride: A Statement From Peter Tatchell

A huge thank you to the tens of thousands of people who came out to support me at London Pride today.
It couldn't have happened without me you.
I don't normally like to talk about myself, but this meant a lot - to me.
Anyway, here's a photo of me I've sent to the media.
Please publish.

PS I bet President Putin will think again after seeing these crappy placards.

Ivan Massow: Just Say No!

I have struggled to satirise this piece by leading gay Tory thicko, Ivan Massow, in the Evening Standard - about how all us awful, and awfully common, gayers are fucking and drugging ourselves to death - but why bother when he does it so well himself?

"There are, of course, thousands of us living in leafy civil partnerships, contemplating children and playing vital or heroically suburban roles in society. For many, drugs and the “scene” in general play no role. But we’re not representative — and it’s a worry."

100% out-of-touch poshgay anti-gay right-wing andrewpiercemarksimpsonbollocks!
Why can't you gays just be more normal?
And as wonderful and perfect as I think I am?
Something of a landmark article.
Drugs - boo!
Clubs - boo!
The "scene" - boo!
Sex - boo!
Fun - boo!
Gay men - BOO!!!
Oh, drop dead, you stupid boring rich fuck.
We're plotting a new queer class war and it starts with you.
Oh, and happy pride to the rest of you!

Pride: World Pride Power List

At last! The results are finally in for the World Pride Power List - the completely made-up list of proud world people literally no-one gives a felch about.
Here's the top 10...

1. Clare Balding.
National treasure.

2. Stephen Fry.
National treasure.

3. Peter Tatchell.
Swivel-eyed loon. National treasure.*

4. Sir Elton John.
Portly proud gay dad. National treasure.

5. Julie Bindel.
Bigoted loon. National treasure, according to the national treasury of reactionary fuckwits.

6. Token Black Person.
National treasure.

7. Horse.
Scottish lady singer no-one's heard of, but she might turn up to pick up her award.

8. Margaret Thatcher.
Gay icon. National treasure. Awarded posthumously.

9. Christopher Biggins.
National treasure.

10. Su Pollard.
Straight ally. National treasure.

* The publicity-shy Peter Tatchell kept tweeting asking for people to vote for him in this crapola. Call him Mr Vain... etc etc.


Friday, 28 June 2013

Facebook: "Offensive" Cute Gay Boys Banned

Facebook has announced a major revamp of its advertising systems in an attempt to deal with concerns about offensive content.
There will now be new restrictions on where adverts appear on the site.
Marks and Spencer and BSkyB were among companies to suspend advertising after complaints that adverts had been placed on pages with offensive material.
The social network is now planning to remove any advertising from many of its pages.
Facebook's move follows complaints about a Sky advert promoting an M&S voucher.
The advert was placed on a Facebook page called "cute and gay boys".* The page featured photographs of teenage boys.
In a blogpost on Friday, Facebook said: "We recognize we need to do more to prevent situations where ads are displayed alongside controversial Pages and Groups. So we are taking action."

BBC News.

Or it would be if it wasn't part of some mad climate of hysteria about "porn" - a word now so elastic it probably includes ladies' ankles and piano legs.
So, err, why were you looking at this filthy Facebook page, pls?
Stop looking at pictures of good-looking young men in the nud, you perv.
You ain't spending your M&S vouchers in my shop.
Ban porn!
Oh where will this prurient, prudish madness end?
When we've banned desire and we're all made to wear burkas?

* No such Facebook page with such an unwieldy name seems to have existed. Try Googling it, and let me know.

Alec Baldwin: Leave George Stark Alone!


Alec Baldwin has gone on an extraordinary homophobic Twitter rant, threatening a MailOnline reporter over a story published about his wife Hilaria Baldwin.
The 55-year-old actor has since deleted his entire Twitter account.
The shocking outburst came after MailOnline claimed that his 32-year-old yoga instructor wife had broadcast a series of upbeat tweets about shopping for a wedding anniversary present and fruit smoothies during Sopranos star James Gandolfini's funeral on Thursday.
Baldwin, 55, and his wife categorically deny doing any such thing.
In a series of poisonous tweets, the father-of-one repeatedly threatened reporter George Stark with violence.
He said: 'I'm gonna find you George Stark, you toxic little queen, and I'm gonna f*** you... up.'
'If put my foot up your f*****g a**, George Stark, but I'm sure you'd dig it too much.
'My wife and I attended a funeral to pay our respects to an old friend, and some toxic Brit write this f*****g trash.'

Mail Online.

Fagburn will be more than happy to give George a character reference.
He's lovely - yes, he's a bit little and as queeny as they come - prone to singing Leona Lewis songs when he thinks no-one's watching, for example - but not toxic.
And at least he's not a cantankerous old drunk, unlike some people I could mention.
Thank you.

Update: Leading gay intellectual Patrick Strudwick writes on this for Guardian online.
It was homophobic, apparently.
So why has no-one else noticed this, but Patrick Smugtwit!!?
Satire rims itself.

New Yorker: Bert & Ernie Say Yes

“It’s amazing to witness how attitudes on gay rights have evolved in my lifetime,” said Jack Hunter, the artist behind next week’s cover, “Moment of Joy.” Hunter, who originally submitted his image, unsolicited, to a Tumblr, continued, “This is great for our kids, a moment we can all celebrate.”

New Yorker.

Quite sweet, even to a wizened, grumpy old cynic like me.
And from now on, everything will be alright forever, yeah?

Pride: Start Here

First Gay Marches to Commemorate Stonewall: 1970.

The actual Stonewall uprising received scant attention in the media. There were very few reporters there and only a bare handful of photos taken of the uprising as it occurred. But in the space of a year, Stonewall had already become a single word that meant more than just a run-down bar in the Village. Gay people across the country took June 28 as their own Independence Day with commemorative marches taking place in Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, and, of course, New York. The day was celebrated as “Christopher Street Liberation Day” for several years before Pride took over. (The day is still called CSD, or Christopher Street Day, in Germany.) One of the more interesting articles to appear in the mainstream media for those first Christopher Street Liberation Day marches was a brief description of the parade up Christopher Street itself on June 28, 1970 that appeared in July 11 edition of The New Yorker:
A number of policemen were standing around, looking benevolent and keeping an eye on things. Many of the marchers were carrying banners that identified them as members of homosexual organizations, like the Gay Liberation Front, the Mattachine Society, and the Gay Activists Alliance. The symbol of the G.A.A. is a lambda, which physicists use as a symbol for wavelength, and many of the kids were wearing purple T-shirts with yellow lambdas on them.
Most of the marchers chatted in anticipatory tones, and a few reporters were among them looking for interviews. One approached two boys standing together and asked them the question that reporters always ask: “How do you feel?”
One of the boys said, “I feel proud.”
At the head of the parade, one boy stood carrying the American flag. Near him stood a man talking to another man. “Homosexuals are very silly,” said the first man. “They congregate in certain areas and then spend all other time walking up and down the street ignoring each other.”
While “Pride” was still several years ago, you can already see that “pride” was already the operative word for the day. The author (whose name is not given) reported that marchers carried signs reading “Homosexual is not a four letter word,” “Latent Homosexuals Unite!” and “Hi Mom!” Anti-gay protesters were there as well, one with a sign reading simply “Sodom + Gomorrah.” But despite a few sour notes, the parade was more than just a success: it was cathartic for some:
An eighteen-year-old boy from Long Island who was marching in the middle of the parade with his arms around two friends said, “I’ve been up since six-thirty, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t going to come, but then I figured I’m gay and I might as well support my people. So here I is!” Sometimes the marchers addressed the onlookers. “Join us!” they called, and “Come on in, the water’s fine!” They got a few grins for this, and once or twice somebody did step out from the crowd to join the parade. These people were roundly cheered by the marchers. Just south of Central Park, a well-dressed middle-aged woman on the sidewalk flashed a V-sign. A marcher, a young man with a mustache, shouted to a cop, also a young man with a mustache, “It isn’t so bad, is it?” The cop shouted back, “No!”
As the parade entered the Park, a young marcher said, “Would you believe it! It looks like an invading army. It’s a gay Woodstock. And after all those years I spent in psychotherapy!”
A friend of his laughed and said, “What will your shrink do without you? He’s dependent on you for the payments on his car.”
Via the ever excellent and informative Box Turtle Bulletin.

Update: Nice collection of photos from early US prides on, err, Mail Online, with patronising right-on captions that read like they were written for a student magazine.
As ever, some great readers' comments; "Sin on parade... disgusting." etc.

YouTube: Share Your Love

YouTube celebrates Pride with this avalanche of absolute sentimental vomit.
See if you can spot the gay kid who committed suicide after posting a video of himself on YouTube.
It gets better!

David Cameron: Hello Proud Gays!

Hi gayers!
And not forgetting the gay ladies!
David Cameron PM here writing in support of the Gay Pride in London.
Well, obviously no-one really believes I actually write these things, it was done by my one of trusted aides, and my only contribution was putting a tick on it after a busy day making poor people's lives more miserable.
So, anyway, Pride! Yay, yah!
It's great - sorry I can't be there, but I don't give really two hoots either way, to be honest.
But while I'm playing polo in Chipping Norton, blow your rainbow whistles with pride!
[Off message joke about bumsex redacted].
Have I mentioned gay marriage, yet?
That was me.
So don't forget to vote for me next time, eh?
Even though most Tory MPs didn't vote for it - cause they still think you're bestial scum.
And remember, love is love.
And rimming is rimming.
And meaningless platitudes from politicians make the world go round.



GMFA: Big Cock!

I thought this was very good.
Simple, funny, communicative, non-scare mongering etc.
150 views on YouTube!
Might want to work on your social media networky thing, guys.

Stonewall: Riot, Girls!!!

Oh, nearly forgot, today is the anniversary of the first day of the Stonewall Riots.
And don't you forget, these riots couldn't have happened without their proud sponsors, Absolut Vodka, Barclays Bank, Claire's Accessories, Coors Beer, Monsanto, Rio Tinto Zinc, and the entire US Marine Corps.

Remembering Stonewall - a stunning, haunting radio documentary.
The events have been much mythologised and mistold - it's like the Sex Pistols at the 100 Club, now everyone claims they were there - but I think this gets closest to the truth.
There are some brief video interviews with Stonewall veterans here.
The 1984 documentary Before Stonewall: The Making Of A Gay And Lesbian Community can be watched here.
"Happy Pride!" as actually no-one but Boris Johnson says.

Edit: It has been brought to Fagburn's attention that "Happy Pride!" is now something of a "thing" among the insincere online community.
It is a meme. Or a trope. One or the other. I've never quite figured out what they mean.
I stand corrected.
So, happy fatuous cliché!

Stonewall 1969: Cartoon Time!

Mike Funk's cartoon book about the Stonewall riots - on his Flickr page.

It's only 16 pages long, but Mike still manages to point to some of the controversies; about ownership of the legend/myth, who went to the inn, who was there that night, who started it, and the fact that one of the most quoted "participants" may not have actually been there...

Fagburn: Désolé

Comme vous pouvez voir il y a baise toutes les actualités aujourd'hui - encore.
C'est la période creuse, et aussi tous les crétins bourgeois qui écrivent cette absurdité ont se sont cassés à Glastonbury ou à Wimbledon.
Quel dommage etc etc.    

Thursday, 27 June 2013

DOMA: Huzzah For Hollywood!

Not long after the Supreme Court ruled in support of gay marriage Wednesday, Ellen DeGeneres tweeted a simple congratulations to "everyone. And I mean everyone." But she could have added: in Hollywood.
For while the landmark decision may have thrilled gay rights activists and vexed opponents of gay marriage, the news otherwise didn't have the thunderclap moment of court cases such as Brown v. Board of Education or Roe v. Wade.
Why? The nation's pop culture machine has for decades now chipped away at a once taboo topic so as to render it utterly familiar. Whether it's the antics of two gay men in the hit ABC comedy Modern Family or the brazen but heartfelt sexuality on display in HBO's Behind the Candelabra, same-sex unions seem – at least on screen and on stage – to be an entrenched part of our federal union...

USA Today.

Can freedom be won by sitting round watching television?
They quote Harvey Fierstein; "The psychology of television is that it's in your house, you're in your underwear. It's very intimate. So the exposure of gay people – no matter what they are – it shows them as the norm, as a normal part of life. All of those things really do add up."
They're also whooping it up over on E! Online with Gay Marriage: A Look At Same-Sex Loving Characters In Movies.
"Looking for a way to celebrate the end of DOMA? How about a movie night?"
We're here! We're same-sex loving! And we're going to the multiplex!

In a second feature E! has a better idea; "What better way to celebrate the overturning of the Defense of Marriage Act than with a gay TV wedding? With lots of them!
"In honor of this historic day, we pulled together a list of gay TV couples whose weddings we want to see (and attend!) come the fall season, so break out your formalwear and start dusting off your dancing shoes, 'cause we're heading to the chapel..."
Front runners are - go on, guess - Kurt and Blaine from Glee (remember when that was a "thing"?), and Mitch and Cam from Modern Family.
Hollywood Reporter reports that series co-creator, Christopher Lloyd, thinks post-DOMA Mitch and Cam getting hitched is "a real possibility".
I guess gushing features like these do support Fierstein's thesis of popular cultural normalisation, merely by being run on the big US meeja with barely a squeak.
At least Queerty's Hollywood's Gay Marriage Conspiracy: It Worked! went through all this - again - with a sense of irony and perspective.

Gaydar: The World's Sexiest Man

We’ve just finished surveying over 4000 of our members to discover the most fancied male celebrities from the gay male perspective.
In a bid to create the sexiest looking man, members rated celebrity body parts and personality traits from David Beckham’s legs and wealth, to Taylor Lautner’s stomach, Hugh Jackman’s biceps and personality [?], and Zac Efron’s hairstyle.
The results were used to compile how the world’s sexiest man might just look and for a bit of fun we’ve created a  photo-fit-style example of what the world’s sexiest man might just look like using the ‘most liked’ parts from different celebrity men (see below for a preview).
The survey also uncovered some interesting stats on what elements are most important in finding the sexiest man – with sex appeal being voted top [!!!], and smile/eyes coming second.
Dr Frankengaystein will see you now...

Pride London: Fury As Tory Joke Makes Gay Joke

Buffoon Boris Johnson sparked fury at a gay rights event by making a crude joke about same-sex marriage.
Angry guests walked out in disgust after the Tory toff said during his speech: “I’m delighted that as of this autumn any young man will be able to take his chum up the Arsenal... and marry him.”
The London Mayor’s offensive gaffe was slammed by MPs last night as “crass and tasteless”.
Labour MP Chris Bryant said the joke “would be funny from Julian Clary or Christopher Biggins, but from Boris it just sounded nasty and brutish”.
The gag – a reference to plans to legalise same-sex marriage in England and Wales – provoked jeers and some nervous laughter at the Pride of London gala dinner.

Daily Mirror.

Obviously, come the revolution this cunt will be first against the wall, but how dull and divorced from reality would you have to be to get angry about a crap gag about bumsex?
Leading lesbore, Angela Eagle MP, told the Mirror; “His crass and tasteless remarks only serve to undermine all the hard work and progress made by the gay community.”

According to Pink News, Mr Johnson actually said "Up the Areclor".

Mr Johnson jokingly suggested in his speech that they should get married at “the absolutely beautiful ArcelorMittal Orbit.”
He then added to much laughter: “It will be the perfect ceremony, you can take your partner up the …[Arcelor]. I think I can get away with that...”
"The ArcelorMittal Orbit, the structure that towers over the London 2012 Olympics Park will reopen this autumn and will be licensed for weddings and civil partnerships."

Thanks for clearing that up.

PS Gay Star News - never one to avoid turning the most fatuous press release into a story - reports on the London diner selling burgers in a rainbow bun for pride! Astounding.

Thought For The Day: Chairman Mao

With victory, the people will be grateful to us and the bourgeoisie will come forward to flatter us. It has been proved that the enemy cannot conquer us by force of arms. However, the flattery of the bourgeoisie may conquer the weak-willed in our ranks. There may be some Communists, who were not conquered by enemies with guns and were worthy of the name of heroes for standing up to these enemies, but who cannot withstand sugar-coated bullets; they will be defeated by sugar-coated bullets. We must guard against such a situation.

Chairman Mao.

DOMA: The Morning After

Today's gay coverage is dominated by the over-turning of DOMA, natch.
Everyone seems ever so excited.
Even in papers otherwise opposed to gay marriage.
The Daily Mail declared Victory For Gay Marriage - one of nine, positive, items on Mail Online.
The Telegraph had a photo-gallery.
Lots of jubilant proud poshgays beneath rainbow flags, that sort of thing.
Including the delightful one above; "Colby Melvin, left, and Brandon Brown embrace after the ruling".
That'll be Colby and Brandon the, err, "adult actors and models", then.
Exciting times!

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Breaking: DOMA Is Dead!

In a landmark ruling that we don't really understand, the Defense of Marriage Act has been ruled unconstitutional by the US Supreme Court, Pink Gay Star News can reveal.
We will be endlessly updating this story after we Google it and try and figure out what's going on and what it means...

Pink Gay Star News Comment: Why We Have Gay Icon Margaret Thatcher To Thank For The Death Of DOMA.

Update: Report - No Gay People Actually Refer To Selves As 'Same-Sex Couple'  The Onion.

Spending Review: What A Load Of Cuts!

Top 10 Richest Cabinet Ministers

Lord Strathclyde £9.6million. Inherited Wealth, stake in family's estate management company, Auchendrane Estates. Also private directorships.

Philip Hammond £8.2million. Stake in healthcare and nursing home developer Castlemead; consultancy work

William Hague £4.8million. Income from public speaking, two books, a newspaper column and various business advisory roles

Jeremy Hunt £4.8million. Stake in Hotcourses, a publisher of guides and websites for educational courses, which he co-founded

Caroline Spelman £4.5million. Wealth figures primarily reflect the value of properties owned by Spelman and husband, a Senior Partner at Accenture

George Osborne £4.5million. Property (inherited); stake in family-owned fabric and wallpaper designer Osborne & Little (inherited)

David Cameron £3.8million. Property, most likely funded from parents/inheritance

Francis Maude £3.2million. Work as managing director at morgan stanley and various directorships

Dominic Grieve £2.9million. Private investment, funded by salaries as barrister and QC

Andrew Mitchell £2.2million. Former investment banker, owns a number of homes, contributing to most of his wealth.

2012 figures, taken from the well-known leftist publication the Daily Telegraph.

In a bid to grab headlines and push Labour into a corner ahead of the 2015 election, Osborne announced an unexpected package of welfare reforms and confirmed he was ending automatic pay rises for employees in the public sector.
The chancellor said he was extending the current three-day wait before the jobless can claim benefits to seven days. He also said he would require jobseekers to attend jobcentres every week, rather than fortnightly, and order lone parents with children aged three and four to prepare for work. People will also be required to attend English language classes as a condition of claiming benefit – with the Treasury indicating the measure could affect 100,000 people. "If you are not prepared to learn English, your benefits will be cut," he said.
The total package will save £425m, Osborne said, sidestepping the Liberal Democrat insistence that welfare benefits are cut no further.

The Guardian.

Current weekly rate of Jobseeker's Allowance for Under-25s - £56.80.

Update: 'The government is undermining its good work on equal marriage by axing vital workplace protections for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transsexual people'  Frances O'Grady, TUC general secretary.

Brighton Pride: God Help Us If There's A War!

The 7-piece dance troupe The Glambassadors, of Britain's Got Talent fame, have been added to the line-up for Brighton Pride, a press release has exclusively revealed to Fagburn.
When they stormed onto the Britain's Got Fuck-All Talent stage this year in their cheeky hot pants, crop tops and sequinned cat suits... [SNIP!!!]

PS To clarify, in terms of fuck-you-we're-fabulous young queens invading Saturday tea-time ITV this was some kind of wonderful.
Dec - of Ant & Dec fame; "And what do your wives and girlfriends think about this?"

Mr Gay USA: Or The Fetishisation Of AmeriKKKa's Military-Industrial Complex

For the first time in history, a United States Marine has taken the title of Mr. Gay USA.

Nevada’s buff and beautiful Matthew Simmons won the pageant, meaning he’ll represent America as he competes in Mr Gay World.

For the competition, Simmons stripped down to his Speedos and posed in his uniform, normally a no-no for those in service.
“I dream to inspire my peers to overcome the tough obstacles in their life,” he says adding that he wants people to “strive to be the best person they can, never giving up on their dreams and never losing sight of who they are.”
Of the 25 contestants from across the country, Simmons picked up the title. Next stop? Mr Gay World in Belgium on Aug. 4, 2013.
“Traveling to and living in many foreign countries for the better part of my childhood has allowed me to gain a respect for people living in other parts of the world that may not be as fortunate as many Americans are,” he says. “I believe this makes me relatable to a diverse range of men, giving them someone they can easily look up to.”

Mr. Gay USA is more than just a typical beauty pageant.

“The Mr Gay World USA competition is a prime example of activism meets entertainment and we are so proud to see each of the competitors stick to their platforms and grow as individuals,” says Executive Producer and Pageant Judge Jarl Haugedal. “We want to turn the competition into a showcase that uses gay for good.”


Oh, the despair.
The sense of utter, utter overwhelming despair.
Words fucking fail me.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Google Pride: It's The Least We Could Do

Pink News gets even more excited about Google doing a stupid rainbow Doodle to celebrate gay pride that only shows up if you type in some LGBT searchwords.
Which slightly defeats the whole point of Pride, one might think.
But look at that baby - isn't it AMAZING?
It's surely of half-hearted tokenistic corporate PR crapola like this that our gay brothers and sisters dreamed of while rioting outside the Stonewall Inn on those balmy hot summer nights back in June 69.
And - right here, right now - it feels so good to be constantly reminded - post-Snowden - that Google are keeping tabs on me and hopefully filing them for whenever the US national security state wants my personal details handed over.

PS I don't mean to keep singling out Pink News, it's just Gay Star News won't realise Google have done this for a few days.

Update: The PN PR-driven idiocy goes on. Celebrate how much megacorps know about you. Yay!

LS Lowry: A Peculiar Gentleman

In 1957 Lowry described the chance meeting which prompted him to paint this emotionally charged portrait of a young man: "The head was done from my recollection of a young man I saw once in a Manchester park - a good while ago. He interested me very much at the time and stayed in my mind in a vague sort of way ever since. He gave me the impression that something had very badly gone wrong in his life tho' he gave no inkling of what it was in a fairly long conversation. He was totally disinterested in anything at all and yet was, to me most interesting - he was a peculiar young gentleman and I would have liked to have come across him again, I am sure I am right about him".

A Young Man (1955).

LS Lowry was a solitary man, who never married etc etc.
Not sure if anything can be read into this, but odd how it seems beyond comment.

LS Lowry And The Painting Of Modern Life opens at Tate Britain tomorrow.

Pet Shop Boys: I Came Across A Cache Of Old Photos...

"There's a certain level of authority to a man with a stick..."

There's a a vaguely amusing interview with Neil Tennant of Pet Shop Boys fame on Popjustice today, centred 'pon a retrospective tour round their secret warehouse.
It's alright, if you like that sort of thing, I suppose.

PS The Pets played this on Sunday >>
"Let's make lots of money" etc etc.

Fagburn: Is A Bit Poorly

Thanks for asking.
Back soonest.


George Michael: 50!

Happy 50th birthday, Sir Princess Of Yog!


PS Looks like only the Telegraph has marked this landmark event - with a 50 fun facts thing that neatly glosses over what Fagburn likes to think of as George's "sordid personal life".
Poor show, the so-called British media!

Update: At 18:46 the Mirror Online finally remembered and popped to the metaphorical garage to buy a bunch of flowers - and invited readers to Check Out His Weird And Wonderful Outfits Over The Years. Hrmph!

Monday, 24 June 2013

Nick Clegg: I Have A Dream!

"I look forward to one day seeing the rainbow flag fly over every government building".

Nick Clegg, quoted in Pink News.

Err, just one small question, Mr Clegg - why?

PS Pink News has just published yet another piece about how Margaret Thatcher secretly really loved The Gays.
Based on a quick interview with gay Tory MP, Conor Burns.
Every stupid thing he says and lie he tells goes unchallenged, like it's a profile in Hello! magazine.
I give up!
Don't you think your readers deserve better?

Daily MIrror: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Daily Mirror.

Mentioned in passing; he was "caught in a newspaper sting" - actually by the News Of The World!
Anthony Russell has always disputed the paper's versions of events.
The Greenhouse is a sauna, not a brothel.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Alan Turing: 101 Today

This is Alan Turing's statue in Sackville Park, Manchester today, his 101st birthday.
Nice one, Manchester!


Image via @thehistoryb0y

  A NEW film about the pioneering wartime code breaker Alan Turing has been attacked by his biographer for exaggerating a love affair and making a fictional connection to a notorious spy.
The film, The Imitation Game, stars Benedict Cumberbatch, best known for his role in BBC1’s hit Sherlock, as Turing and is based on a biography by Andrew Hodges, an Oxford maths academic. Joan Clarke, another Bletchley code breaker, is set to be played by Keira Knightley as Turing’s girlfriend, despite the fact that he was gay.
Hodges, who was sent a script, is alarmed by what he says are inaccuracies in the American-financed film, to be directed by the Norwegian Morten Tyldum whose last production was the violent thriller Headhunters.
“They have built up the relationship with Joan much more than it actually was.”

Sunday Times.

Fagburn: Still No News

There is no gay news today, Pink Gay Star News can exclusively reveal.
We were hoping to fill some space with a press release by Peter Tatchell complaining about the lack of gay news today, but he was too busy single-handedly saving the world, he said in a press release.
Or maybe a completely unfunny video from that gay twat who was in Star Trek 45 years ago.
Perhaps someone you've never heard of in America who doesn't like the gays has said they don't like the gays again?
A made-up survey by some charity who wants more money?
Nay, nay and thrice nay.
An inspirational YouTube video of a gay teen who's just come out?
Or has he just committed suicide after watching some It Gets Better videos?
Sadly, all to no avail.
Meanwhile, here's an ad for pants.
Good day and good gardening.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Tories: Bring Back Hanging! Ban Bumming!

Conservative MPs have drawn up an “Alternative Queen’s Speech” with radical policies such as bringing back the death penalty, privatising the BBC and banning the burka in public spaces.

The 42 bills also include legislation to scrap wind farm subsidies, end the ringfence for foreign aid spending and rename the late August Bank Holiday “Margaret Thatcher Day”.

Britain’s relationship with Europe features prominently in the action plan, with draft laws setting out how the UK would leave the European Union and a Bill to prevent Bulgarians and Romanians winning new rights to work, live and claim benefits here from next year.

All of the proposals were laid before the House of Commons last night after the Tory backbenchers hijacked an obscure Parliamentary procedure by camping out in Westminster for four successive nights.

Many of the less controversial policies [sic] – including legislating for a transferable tax allowance for married couples and making the Coalition’s introduction of same-sex marriage subject to referendum – are known to be very popular amongst Conservative MPs...

Daily Telegraph.

Hear hear!
The swivel-eyed loons redux!
Bit pissed they missed "Bring back National Service!", but you can't have everything.
[Edit: Oops! Bugger me, they have - here's the full 40].

Diane Abbott: The Big Interview

Thanks for coming here, Diane.
Okay, interesting point of view there, may I ask why?
"BAN PORN! Stop boys playing with their willies."
You sent your son to a public school, didn't you?
"Yes. It was a difficult decision, but I thought it was best to let him play with other boys' willies. BAN PORN!"
Do you think you sound like a patronising public school matron who has no understanding of male sexuality?
"It's pornification."
What on Jupiter does that meaningless twaddle mean?
"Dunno, just made it up. BAN PORN!"
Diane Abbott MP, thank you.

Pride: Patrick Smugtwit Writes

So, Pride.
What does it mean to you?
But, more importantly, what does it mean to me?
If you look in the dictionary, Pride is somewhere between prick and priest.
Some say it is now just an excuse to have fun and take so many drugs you shit your Aussiebum pants.
But I think it means more, so much more.
It is an inspiration.
I - that is me - think of my top pal, the tiresome tireless gay campaigner Peter Tatchell, surely our Emily Davison.
And not just because he's a bit mental and everyone thinks he should throw himself under a horse.
I feel proud about our gay heroes down the ages, from Sir Oscar Wilde to Nigel Evans, the alleged rapey gay Tory MP.
And never forget all the little people who have fought for our rights.
Like black people in Africa - my mummy runs a hunting farm in Kenya so I know about them.
So brave.
History is made by a quote I just Googled.
Never forget!

Great column there, Patrick, thanks.

Attittude: Cover Star

I literally have no idea who the fuck this fugly munster is.

Update: Googled it. Something to do with the sports, apparently. Still don't care.

Update2: Some new puritan from Feminista who wants major retailers to stop selling lads' mags gives incomprehensible response when asked if this would mean also banning "gay magazines with provocative covers" - The Guardian.

Not sure who this is either >>>, but Fagburn says BAN THIS FILTH!

Steven Berkoff: Cat Lover

Annoying shouty Zionist actor and playwright, Steven Berkoff - who's a bit Ortonesque, if you know what I mean - is profiled in the Daily Mail.
He loves his cat, it is revealed.

PS Miss Jerkoff once wrote a play Brighton Beach Scumbags - about how gay men are all secretly Nazis cause they have skinhead haircuts - inspired, I like to think, by a chance encounter with me!
Me me ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cristina Odone: Christian Ordure

It's become a familiar pattern. The man in the public eye comes out against gays – and then comes out as gay himself. We've seen it with televangelist Billy James Hargis and more recently with Cardinal Keith O'Brien. Now it's the turn of Alan Chambers, who has been running the Exodus International ministry for 37 years. The "pray the gay away" minister has had to admit that actually he IS gay. He's gone on to apologise to any of those whose life he has made a misery...

Liberals today, on both sides of the Atlantic, take it for granted that everyone loves being gay. They are wrong. The Alan Chambers of this world do exist – and they are everywhere. We should have pity for them.

Cristina Odone in the Daily Telegraph.

Leading Catholic loon Cristina holds the record - after Brendan O'Neill - for writing the most articles against gay marriage.
Maybe she IS secretly a gay man?

Update: Queerty does a list of ex-ex-gays.

Update2: 'When Anti-Gay Bigotry Is Just Another Lock on The Closet: Is it surprising that those obsessed with gay sex may have a fondness for men?' Owen Jones, Independent.

I admire much of Owen Jones' writing, but, one thing about being gay and getting older is you feel you've read articles on themes likes this 10,000 times before.

Philip Hoare: Why Have I Bothered?

A couple of years ago Philip Hoare, now 55, found himself digging around in a sideboard in the semi-detached Southampton house in which he grew up. He was surprised to find a blue notebook that had belonged to his father, who worked as a cableman all his life, but had been commandeered by the teenaged Philip. "Alongside the blank verse and stream of consciousness lyrics were doodles: pictures of whales, 70s glam-rock stars, 1920s decadent figures – all of my obsessions. The whale I'd painted in poster paint using my mother's clear nail varnish to make it look slicker and shiny as if it had just come out of the water. It's really remarkable – the whole of my career planned out at the age of 14. I thought: why have I bothered?"

The Guardian.

"He writes about birds like a gay man might write about his best trick" - John Waters.

Now read on...

FT Weekend: Victim Envy

Reading a Spectator blog post, in which the author – a man I like and once worked for – mischievously opined that such is the ridicule and opprobrium heaped on opponents of gay marriage that they are now as brave as those gay men and women who came out in the 1970s, after legalisation but well before acceptance. The writer is too intelligent to really believe this analogy. He knows that, while they may be mocked by Frankie Boyle, traditionalists do not get beaten up in the streets for appearing overly conservative. The Carlton Club is not routinely raided by police and The Spectator is not being prosecuted under the obscenity laws.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps across Britain people are leading double lives, keeping their secret position on gay marriage from their families. Maybe homes are being torn apart as husbands and fathers come out against equal marriage. “We just thought he liked wearing tweed,” sobs a family member. “We used to think he was out canvassing; now it turns out he was ‘meeting friends’ at the golf club.” Others live a lie, sitting at home pretending to enjoy The Graham Norton Show, but secretly watching Jim Davidson online when their partner is asleep...

Thus the people who actually enjoy most privilege in society – white, male Christians – engage in victim envy, convincing themselves that, in losing some privileges, they are in fact the ones being discriminated against. A group that has had its own way for centuries suddenly grasps what it must be like to be on the wrong end of history, and it doesn’t like it. But rather than move on, having an argument, they prefer to seek reassurance in the comfortable cloak of the dispossessed. In the victimhood Olympics they refuse to be also-rans.

FT Weekend - Fagburn never ceases to be stunned by how good their gay coverage is.
As The Guardian and Independent descend into Mail Online-esque patronising puerile populist pants...

"The prejudiced ones seem like the freaks now" - Grayson Perry.

Friday, 21 June 2013

National Gay & Lesbian Sports Hall Of Fame: Exciting News!

The National Gay & Lesbian Sports Hall Of Fame has announced its first inductees, Pink Gay Star News can reveal.
The "hall", which doesn't seem to exist beyond a Facebook page and a crap website, has literally set the world of gay sports on fire.
Even though, ironically, the number of out gay sportsmen would fit in a closet.
Initial inductees include:

Some lesbians who play tennis.
Some gays who do diving (the one who's come out).
That black dude who plays basketball (baseball?)
Robbie Rogers.
Gareth "blow to the head" Edwards.

Honorary induction for foxy straight dude selling overpriced underpants to stupid gays: Ben Cohen

Err, that's it.

Tristram Posh-Name commented; "This is totes brill. GSN loves!"
When asked if he thought it was pointless and a complete waste of time, Tris said; "Wibble."

Polari: The Lost Language Of Queens

The Polari Magazine production In The Life: A History of Polari plays for one exclusive performance at London’s prestigious St James Theatre on Sunday June 23 at 3.30 pm.
On the dark streets of post-war 1950s London, a powdered queen screeched, “vada the lallies on the omee ajax”, and in so doing used a secret language, Polari, the roots of which can be traced all the way back to 11th century Saxon England.
In The Life is a staged radio performance that marries narration and sketches to explore how Polari, the rich mix of words that made up this secret verbal handshake, came into being...
Troll along, and nellyarda to how the omee-palones of a bygone era endured in a time when homosexual acts were illegal.

Go see - tis written by my mate, Chris.

Polari magazine.

Film Pitch: Death In Venice (Remake)

'Lured by those eyes, led on the leading-string of his own passion and folly, utterly love-sick he stole upon the footsteps of his unseemly hope and at the end found himself cheated.'

On a visit to Venice/Brighton the ageing writer Gustav von Fagburn encounters a young Olympic medal-winning diver by whose beauty he becomes obsessed.
Bewitched and agonised, he desires to please...
Using the stifling atmosphere of Brighton - what with the bin men being on strike and that - to heighten the unbearable sense of oppression, this is a sensitive and haunting portrayal of blind passion.
But perhaps this is a love that cannot be?
Swirling music by Mahler plays as von Fagburn dies coughing on the beach, utterly, utterly alone.

The Independent: Ditto Wank

Does art have the power to shock any more? I ask as the ICA in London opens an exhibition of what it terms "sexually graphic" drawings. They are technically interesting, but leave me unshocked.
Sex, I believe, no longer shocks, whether it is portrayed on canvas, simulated on stage or even acted out on film. Nudity has long since ceased to have any shock value. Ditto gay art. Ditto swearing.

The Independent continues to bore for Britain.

PS This is the third article The Independent has run on this apparently boring exhibition - all illustrated à la the Daily Mail with pictures of Tom Of Finland and his big cock fun gang - which clearly is of no interest to anyone. Ever.