Friday, 21 March 2014

Kate Bush: From The Archives

[SCENE] Kate Bush's home - an island on the Thames in Berkshire. There is a knock on the front door.

Kate Bush: Leave me the fuck alone! I'm an eccentric and reclusive female recording artist!

Dave: Erm, Kate? Sorry, it's me - Dave from EMI. Can I come in?

Kate: [Sighs] Oh, I suppose so. [She lets him in]

Dave: Good to see you! How have you been?

Kate: Oh, the same as always - kooky but endearing. Actually, I've been feeling a bit rubber-bandy again recently. Shall we go into the kitchen?

Dave: Okay...Hey, you're looking good. Nice leotard.

Kate: Sorry, I was doing my Pilates. Can you give me a minute while I slip into something a bit more windswept and pre-Raphaelite?

Dave: Don't worry. I just thought we needed to have a little chat about your new album. It's a teensy bit overdue, love. We did try to call.

Kate: Sorry. I was in the bath...

Dave: Since 1993?

Kate: Tish-ta. Actually, I finished it this morning. Honest!

Dave: Wow! Unbelievable. What's it called?

Kate: No idea. Ummm...Areial?

Dave: Mmmm - intriguing, esoteric, and with a literary reference - like it. Don't suppose you're have time to think about artwork?

Kate: [She takes a piece of paper from the fridge door] Ta-da! What do you think of this, then?

Dave: Erm, sorry, Kate, but this looks like a six-year-old did it.

Kate: My son's seven, actually.

Dave: Okay. So, who have you been working with?

Kate: It's mainly little old me, as per. Brian Eno was going to help out, but he's been busy, 'cos there's been a war on, apparently. Luckily, my brother Paddy was free, so he's played mandolin on most of the tracks. Rolf Harris has laid down some wicked didgeridoo solos, and I've built a few tracks out of things I've sampled. The Hoover, the washing machine, the theme from Countdown, the heartbreaking smash of glass in the bottle bank...

Dave: Sort of a "sounds of everyday" thing, right? Cool.

Kate: More "Sounds of every single sodding day for the last 12 years".

Dave: What have you been writing about?

Kate: I think it's probably easiest if I convey the meaning of my new album through the medium of dance.

Dave: Is it okay if you do it through the medium of words?

Kate: Dreams, dogs, hills, England, the gays, shoes, that sort of thing. But a lot of it's just stuff I half-remembered from books I read for O-Level.

Dave: Sounds like classic Kate Bush! Wait 'till I tell the guys at EMI about this! When do you think you can deliver?

Kate: I don't want to sound like a neurotic perfectionist, but could I have just a little bit longer, Dave?

Dave: Sure. When were you thinking of?

Kate: How about Friday, December 14th, 2012?

Richard Smith, Gay Times, November 2005.

This dudes's quite funny, whatever happened to him?


  1. She released her next album late November 2011, so I wasn't far off...

  2. "This dudes's quite funny, whatever happened to him?"

    He ended up writing a sad, bitter, trivial blog. It's a pity. He was actually an entertaining writer, and presumably could be again, if he stopped being such a wanker.

    1. Maybe he enjoys his autonomy? x

    2. Richard, you can have 'autonomy' without being a wanker, and without just 'not-being-patrick-strudwick'. Autonomy is having your world revolve around what you like, not what you don't like.

      In that vein, I am glad to see some stuff on things you actually like, especially music. I hope we'll see more of this again.

      I would also be interested, if you are ever minded to write about it, to read your thoughts on the 'queer' crap that the St Trinians girl (and Tatchell and others) can't shut up about. Personally I find it is counter-productive bordering on really unpleasant. For me the word 'queer' isn't about being 'transgressive', it's about being on the verge of getting another thumping in the 1980s.

  3. She sold her place on the Thames a couple of years back. To be fair, she has always had gay group members and dancers and certainly has no issues. Considering she wrote may of her songs when she was 13, I believe she's pretty special.