Wednesday, 31 December 2014

2014: The Year In Review

Met Tom, got a new flat, couldn't be happier.

Apart from the manic depression.

Fuck off world.


Pink News: Not Actually Pink News

Ahhh, Pink News, when will your random Google News search reveal some things are not really gay news?

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Brokeback Mountain: Regrets

Don't we all?

Awful sentimental tripe - the world's first gay chick flick!

Fagburn: Song Of The Year

Do you jingle when you dingle dangle???

Even more brilliant than when she called Perez Hilton a 'faggot'. Wotta girl! x

Fagburn: Hottie Badboy Of The Year


Fagburn: Coming Out Of The Year

Business Insider.
Thanks for coming out as a massive corporate crook and slave labourer, Tim!

Hooray for us gays!!!

Monday, 29 December 2014

Fagburn: Death Of The Year

For what man has not wanted to try and kill his ex-boyfriend?

Fagburn: Tweet Of The Day

Oh bring me the heads of the last fugly bourgeoise couple that don't get gaymarried.

The sad thing is, despite all their, 'We love the gays' crap, The Independent clearly has no idea how patronising and shit they are.

No idea.

Fagburn: Heterosexual Of The Year

Runner-up: Eric Pickles DBE.

Fagburn: Selfie Of The Year

Admittedly, it was hard to choose just one pic of Saint Peter from the torrent he's posted of his wonderful self, on a daily basis, but let's go with this one.

Cause standing outside an embassy going 'Grrr!' and getting your photo taken really changes stuff.

Altogether now... He's a national treasure!

May update this by the hour...

Fagburn: Cake Topper Of The Year

At last, the truth about gay marriage...

Queerty: Anyone For Hegemony?


Cause AmeriKKKa has a right to tell the world to shine its shoes.

And cause Cuba's neighbours - Haiti and Jamaica - are a capitalist gay paradise.


Pink News: Shock As Many Readers Are Revealed To Be A Bit Right-Wing And Thick

Maybe you get the readers you deserve...

Doctor Who: What?

Dear The Independent,

Three (3) people made that complaint in an 18 month period.

This is so statistically insignificant 'one in ten million viewers complained' doesn't come close.


Someone even complained that Miranda made fun of tall women FFS.

Good day, and have a happy new year.


PS Fagburn is still on holiday, but by Jesus Christ and Christopher Biggins.

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Christmas: Ho Ho Ho!

All I want for Christmas is you... to split up.

This adorable and heart-warming etc etc photo is also available in heterosexual...

Fagburn is still technically on holiday btw...

PS Why the story of Jesus' birth has a particular message for LGBTIs, Gay Star News. You could not make pink guff like this up. For an alternative and less mad view see Jesus was not a queer ally, Alex Gabriel.

Sunday, 21 December 2014

Russell T Davies: Bananas

Davies continued with his first draft of Cucumber. The spark for it had been unexpected: Graham Norton.

“He shamed me into doing it,” Davies hoots. “Shamed me on Radio 2, live on air, while I was doing a promo for Doctor Who. ‘Why don’t you write something proper, about real gay men, again?’ he said. ‘Like Queer as Folk.’ I walked across Manchester’s MediaCity feeling chastised. But he was right. Graham Norton was right, thank God.”

Ten years before, Queer as Folk had been Davies’s calling card to the wider world. Having spent the previous decade writing Children’s Ward, Why Don’t You?, The Grand and Dark Season – which starred a young Kate Winslet – Queer as Folk was clearly in a different league: something so unmistakably from the heart, wildly inventive, joyous, angry, filthy and funny that it changed people’s ideas of “gay drama” overnight. It was genuinely revolutionary.

“Before it went out, everyone thought it was going to be Channel 4’s worthy gay drama,” Davies recalls. “All vegan protesters and Aids. The only gay characters we’d had [on British TV] before were ones dying on EastEnders. People weren’t expecting this.”

Saturday, 20 December 2014

Modern Family: Not So

Eric Stonestreet has won two Emmys for his performance as Cam on ABC’s Modern Familywhile Jesse Tyler Ferguson has been nominated for each of the first five seasons as Mitchell.

But not everyone is crazy about Cam and Mitch who got married in a two-part episode at the end of last season.

One of those people is actor Tuc Watkins who played one half of a gay couple for several years on ABC’s Desperate Housewives.

Watkins, who came out publicly last year, shared his feelings about the characters in a Facebook post on Thursday: ‘Hmm. I think “Modern Family” is clever, hilarious, even terrifically subtle at times. But, for the most part, I have a hard time laughing at the gay guys. In fact, I kinda cringe. It feels a little bit like the gay equivalent of “blackface.” It doesn’t feel “modern” at all.’

‘Sure, people come in all shapes, sizes, etc. So why are we fed such 80s stereotypes every week?’

PS Jesse Tyler Ferguson replies.

PPS And Tuc replies! Anyone still awake?

Fagburn: Happy Mithras

Fagburn is celebrating the birth of the infant pagan sun god, Mithras, and will reappear in the new year. x

Friday, 19 December 2014

Fagburn's Xmas Listicles 3: 2014's Gayest Numbers

1. 10.
2. 7.
3. 3.
4. 9.
5. 6.

Fagburn: Person Of The Year

Second year running for dearest Didi. x

Thank you for defying American/NATO imperialism and that.

But you have to understand now our Western ideological masters will try to frame everything in a 'we is fighting for human rights' thing.

DM to get more good PR!

Fagburn: Film Of The Year

This heart-freezing true story of Lesbians And Gays Support The Right-Wing (LGSR), tells how a group of Tory gaylords infiltrated our movement, and, during capitalism's greatest crisis in almost a century, got people to obsess about gay marriage and Russia instead. A lesson from history.

'A real feel-good movie that's so politically banal we'll have to invent an award for it!' Attitude.

Runner-up: The Disinformation Game - Benedict Cumberbatch plays tortured gay boffin Alan Turing, who, after finding the love of a good woman, invented the computer and single-handedly won the Second World War.

'Hats of too Alan Turink - a gay name that must now go down in histree' QX Magazine

Fagburn: Album Of The Year

Stunning, just stunning...

Runners-up: Gruff Rhys - American Interior, Leonard Cohen - Popular Problems.

Fagburn: Book Of The Year

Stunning, just stunning...

Update: My mum gave me Playing To The Gallery by Grayson Perry as a Xmas present, and this is now - officially - Fagburn's Book Of The Year.

Panto: Gag Of The Year

“I need some buttocks on my face,” says one Ugly Sister.

“Botox, you mean?” says the other.

“I know what I said!”

From Cinderella at The New Wimbledon Theatre, as reported by Bagehot in the Economist Special Double Xmas Issue.

The fact that mums and dads across the nation will be dragging their kids along to see stuff like this is one of the few things that makes Fagburn proud to be British.

Slink: Pink Christmas

'My inspiration came from wanting to outdo the Chipmunks, Mariah and Wham! in making the straightest Christmas song of our generation. We wanted to entice Santa into coming out of the closet and having fun with us girls!'

Seth Bogart.

Oh Seth, what wouldn't I give...

PS Viewers may also enjoy Homo Christmas by Pansy Division.

Gay Divorce: Update

A child of four could have seen the flaw in this nonsense...

Attitude: Sex

Fagburn sees the new SEX issue of Attitude also features lots of naked dudes in a badly photoshopped STRETCHED nightmare, inc. Chris Mears in his pants. 

One may presume the usually obligatory 'TOWIE hunk Dan Osborne!' was busy.

And 'SEXY Ben Cohen!' was busy counting his money.

GT Naked Issue: A Few Questions

Who on Earth and the many moons of Jupiter is this?

That beard - WTF?

Why is he trying to climb up a stepladder the wrong way round in the nud?

• GT The Naked Issue.

PS Please can you send me a free GIANT Chris Mears poster?

Scandal: Dolphin Square Murder!!!

A lurid account of a Conservative MP strangling a young boy during a depraved sex party is the most dramatic case being investigated by Scotland Yard as part of its inquiry into an establishment paedophile ring.

A man known as Nick has claimed that he was in the room when the MP killed a boy aged 12 at the Dolphin Square apartment complex near Westminster in the early 1980s...

This story first appeared in the Sunday People, and has taken off as a police officer said the Met will investigate as 'I believe what Nick is saying is credible and true.’

An absolutely unbelievable statement for a police officer to make.

Still the police are always right, eh, and they never get anything wrong.

So glad they launched that investigation when I told them I'd been abducted by aliens.

Bit confused/disturbed as to why so may on the left - including gay men - seem cheerleading to believe this.

I wasn't there, maybe this did happen, but, erm, is there actually any evidence?

Peter And Hazelmary Bull: It's Their Golden Anniversary!

Peter and Hazelmary Bull have spoken to The Christian Institute about the keys to a long marriage, as they celebrate their golden wedding anniversary today.

The couple hit the headlines in recent years after they were sued for their policy of only giving double beds to married couples at their bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

The Christian Institute supported the Bulls through the court case, but they were ordered to pay £3,600 in damages and later lost an appeal at the UK Supreme Court.

The Christian B&B owners spoke of how their love, consideration for each other and a relationship with Jesus Christ have helped them to stay strong together.

Christian Institute.

And here's praying you'll soon have one YouTube view for every year you've been together.

Mary says; 'There are definitely three people in our relationship...'

Congratulations to you both -  and your kinky three-way with Mr Jesus Christ!

One Direction: Reveal Their Man Crushes

‘David Beckham is just a cool, cool guy but I saw Noam Chomsky on Democracy Now! and he just speaks so incredibly. I look up to him he’s cool,’ said Louis Tomlinson.

‘Jimmy Savile was pretty sick and he’s a really nice fella too,’ added Irish bandmate Niall Horan.

While Zayn Malik said he didn't have a 'crush' on him, he really 'appreciates' Jake Gyllenhaal's 'power-bottoming' in 'that film about the gay cowboys'.

The 1D members revealed their crushes in a show of support to the London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard, hoping to help those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality.

‘Just be yourself,' Malik said. 'If that’s who you are, that’s who you are and don’t be afraid to be the person that you are.’

'And if not, be someone else. Meh. Whatever. Who cares?'

Pink Star News.

• The London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard provides free and confidential support and information to the LGBTI community.

Even though, in the age of the internet, they probably now get about three phone calls a week.

Other gay organisations more deserving of your donations and funding are available.

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Quentin Nield: Missing

A much loved member of the old Brighton Love Gang. I hope you're ok, gorgeous. x

PS Quentin has been found. Yay. x

The Interview: Kim Wild

KIM Jong-Un is portrayed as a gay, margarita-loving Katy Perry-obsessive in the controversial movie pulled by Sony after pressure from cyber-terrorists.

The film will now never be screened after hackers threatened 9/11-style attacks in cinemas.

But The Sun can reveal
[sic] that one scene featured the North Korean dictator sobbing while driving a tank and blasting out a track by his favourite pop star Perry.

He is crying after telling James Franco's character that his dad told him drinking margaritas was "gay".

One leaked scene depicting his head exploding was toned down before the decision to pull the movie was made.

In another, leaked online, the tyrant dies in a ball of flames when his helicopter explodes...

Though a fondness for Katy Perry and margaritas are gay signifiers - a bit like 'Kylie and cocktails' - I can't find anyone else claiming Kim is presented as simply 'gay'.

[Edit: Apparently there's a kinda gay scene betwixt Kim and Franco - but then it's a standard fratboy movie full of 'coz gay iz funny' 'jokes'].

Out's review, for example, doesn't reach this conclusion - though it does riff on the Franco/Rogen bromance.


... it’s Eminem that gets all the laughs. Skylark [Franco's TV interviewer] asks him about his numerous homophobic lyrics and remarks. Eminem explains: “That’s because I’m gay. I like men. I can’t believe people didn’t pick up on that.” Marshall Mathers says it all with a straight face, matter of factly with a priceless deadpan delivery...

PS Regular viewers may recall we know which member of NK's Kim dynasty is the gay one...

PPS I can't see why North Korea would have bothered with all the Guardians Of Peace hacking malarkey about a daft film.

I get the distinct feeling it'll turn out to be the work of a spotty adolescent geek holed up in his bedroom in Baltimore.

Cuba: The Last Laugh

God knows how this will work out, maybe they'll just hand Cuba back to the mafia and dig up Batista...

Add your own HILARIOUS caption!

PS If anyone wants to send Fagburn on a two week all-expenses fact-finding trip to 'The New Cuba', just drop me a line.

Update: Mariela Castro said the island nation would not return "to being a servile country to hegemonic interests of the most powerful financial groups in the US" Video.

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Fagburn's Xmas Listicles 2: 5 Gayest Vegetables

In common with all media outlets Fagburn's basically given up the ghost and gone down the pub til the New Year, and will now fill some space by running pointless listicles.
1. Potato.

2. Carrot.

3. Brussel Sprout.

4. Swede.

5. Garden Pea.

Gay Money: Not In The Pink

Earning differences are a consistent problem for many employees with a minority sexual orientation and present one of the most tangible environmental factors affecting their workplace well-being. Studies for the period 1989–2014 suggest that gay men receive lower earnings than heterosexual men of comparable education, skills, and experience [1], [2]. Any remaining earning gaps between gay and heterosexual men not explained by differences in education level, work experience, and occupation are generally interpreted as evidence of labor market discrimination [1], [2], [3]. Studies find that gay men earn from 4–5% less than heterosexual men in the Netherlands, France, Greece, and the UK to 12–16% less in Canada, Sweden, and the US [1], [2], [3] (Figure 1).

Sexual orientation and labor market outcomes, Nick Drydakis, IZA World of Labor report. *

Although this may surprise many regular readers of the gay media  - the main peddlers of the myth of gay affluence ('Advertise with us, our readers are loaded!' etc) - the real research (all 600 pages worth) was presented several years ago on Joe Clark's excellent blog; Gay Money: The Truth About Lesbian And Gay Economics.

[Actually the main reason this myth persists is so many gay journalists are literally incapable of questioning anything they read on a press release].

The straight media are just as guilty, if not more, of unquestioningly regurgitating junk 'research' and made-up statistics on this. Far too many to list - but Google 'pink pound'.

All gay surveys are as unreliable and as unquantifiable as a promised Grindr user's dick size.


* The conclusions drawn by Drydakis about why gay men earn less are often exercises in spectacular point-missing, and at once both simplistic and convoluted. 

Daily Telegraph: Homophobia Taints This British Newspaper

You couldn't make it up etc etc.

Gays In The News: Jordan James Parks

The Sun.
I'm not sure which one's which, so well done Jordan!

Cliff Richard: 'Creepy', Police Called

Brighton Argus.

Sentimental Gay Twaddle Watch: Don't Kids Say The Funniest Things??

A 9-year-old girl gave this heartfelt letter to her teacher after he came out as gay...

It reads: “Dear Mr R

“Even though you’re gay, I will always treat you the same way as I do now. I still think about you the same way as I used to. You’re a great teacher and these are just some of the word’s (sic) that I would describe you as: great, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, awesome and brave.

“The reason why I say brave is because you shared a personal secret which was very brave.

“You don’t have to feel scared because I know that everone in the class feels the same way as I do.

“From A x x

PS. We are all proud of you”

Adorable! Heart-warming! So brave! Barfs everywhere!

And just the sort of gay story the Mail Online loves!

I'm not a little old lady in a park cooing at every passing pram - thus I'm not that bothered if a small child says something nice.

Update: It's BARF O'Clock!!!

Independent December 19th

Sochi: World Now Changed Forever!

The ever hopeless Gay Star News.

Sorry, can't find the bit where we learn what has actually changed gay rights - and the world - FOREVER!!.

Despite such valiant and well-thought out 'actions' as Tilda Swinton taking a selfie while waving a rainbow flag in Red Square, Dame Michael Cashman cutting up his credit card, and some gay venues saying they were boycotting Russian (or non Russian?) vodkas they weren't selling anyway.

Unless you mean it shows how much the gay movement has now become so depoliticised it is only capable of silly self-satisfying stunts that serve power?

Jeremy Thorpe Funeral: Stand By Me

As Mr Thorpe's coffin was carried out of the church some mourners were surprised by a medley of some of his favourite songs played by the Minehead String Quartet; Cher's Bang Bang, Queen's Killer Queen and Getting Away With It by Electronic...

Thought For The Day: Russell Tovey

In the future, I imagine myself looking back and going, "God, I had a nice ass.* Glad I got that out." If it's there now, I'm getting it out because it's not always gonna look like that. I don't want to hide it. And it's nice that people like it. I've been very lucky. I've grown it myself, and I also have my parents to thank for it being well-received.

Chelsea Manning: Happy Birthday!

Dear Chelsea Manning

Birthday wishes from some people who are more famous than the likes of us.

Fagburn: Is Unwell

Not to worry, nothing serious, back soon. x

PS And congrats to Raul Castro and Pope Frankie, and happy birthday to Chelsea Manning (Oh, and The Simpsons)! xx

The Simpsons: 25th Anniversary!


Greatest, most beautiful and (truly) anarchistic TV series ever made!

PS No, I haven't watched any of the last five seasons, either.