Friday, 16 October 2015

Grindr: Gotta Catch 'Em All!

When normal people have time off from work, they probably – I don’t know – read a book? Visit friends and family? Catch up on overdue home improvements?

I, for some reason, thought it would be fun to not do any of these things and instead spend my free hours on the world’s most notorious gay dating app Grindr, speaking only in Pokémon quotes. And yes: I did it just for the benefit of a potentially entertaining blog post.

For those unfamiliar with Pokémon, two things: firstly, congratulations on having more of a life than I. Secondly, please understand that when you play the game, you come across literally hundreds of computer-generated characters who initiate battles by using some kind of unintended innuendo; anything from “I might be little but I won’t like it if you go easy on me!” to “Don’t try anything funny in the dark!”. One guy even says “Hi! I like shorts!”. 

I thought it’d be fun to see how far lines like that would get me on Grindr.

A lot of people, especially those who were just looking for casual chats and potential dates, obviously thought I was weird. Quite often my opening gambit – something along the line of “Me? Well, OK. I’ll play!” - just got the reply “? What lol”. The conversation soon fizzled.

Other Grindr users were not so easily deterred. It's funny what a horny guy with an internet connection will happily ignore, especially when faced with a series of cartoonish non-sequiturs.

Perhaps the most useful Pokémon line proved to be “Fine, then! Show me your best!", which is a ready-made response to the avalanche of sexually suggestive opening lines people send through on the app. Using it, however, is not for the faint of heart: my Pokémon persona was sent more than one explicit photograph in response.

My final conversation before throwing in the towel was with a couple of mates who wanted someone to join them for a threesome. I used the lines “I’m a cool guy! I’ve got a girlfriend!” and “Aww, man. I’m not into this” as a way of declining, but they weren’t having any of it: turns out one of them has a wife who was out of town and they still wanted me to join them for extramarital shenanigans...

Daily Telegraph.

Picked up by much of the online gay media, who found it HILARIOUS!!!

Erm, what am I missing, pls?

PS Note it's thought Telegraph readers have to have Pokemon explained to them, but not Grindr - now that is funny.


  1. > PS Note it's thought Telegraph readers have to have Pokemon explained to them, but not Grindr - now that is funny.



    > the world’s most notorious gay dating app Grindr