Monday, 24 November 2014

Fagburn: Meh

So I got punched on the nose
When I was just trying to go home
Just after I got off the escalator at King's Cross.

So he hit me
Unprovoked,
fork knows what his problem was.

About to lose my faith in humanity.
Then as I was stunned reeling
on the floor.
Six people came
to check I was okay
rubbing my shoulders
Holding me.

These wonderful passersby
didn't.

Gave me napkins to stop my nosebleeds
Some pain-killers
Some yogurt drink
'You'll need some sugar...'
Gosh.

'Are you okay?'

I guess, yes.
But a bit concussed.

Cause the great people in the world outnumber the bad
Seven to one.

* For Jo Holloway. The angel saint at Kings' Cross Station. x



Thursday, 20 November 2014

The Duchess Of Alba: 1926-2014

Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, 18th Duchess of Alba de Tormes, Grandee of Spain etc, has left us, aged just 88.

Fagburn is - of course - beside himself with grief.

Our loss is heaven's gain.

Thank you for being a friend.

Farewell, my fair lady. x

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Cliff Is Innocent: Yay!

Sorry, some tech probs here - my comrades Dengie Hillbillies assure me you can now watch it here.

Free the Sunningdale 1!

Hockney: Did He?

No.

But thanks for asking.

Patrick Strudwick Watch: Just Beyond


I - literally - have no words...

Julie Bindel Watch: No Comment

Monday, 17 November 2014

Stonewall: Anti-Nonsense Week

The 'will attempt suicide' figure is bogus.

But still... boo hoo squish squish give us your money.

See also Charity Tells MPs: 44% of LGBT youngsters have considered suicide. Pink News.

I've considered rimming Tom Daley, don't mean it's going to happen.

Shane Richie: One In Seven

The EastEnders star, who plays loveable rogue Alfie Moon on the Walford soap, offended several members of reunited band S Club 7 in a lift.

Waiting for people to enter the lift, Shane reportedly said: "Hurry up! Last person in is a gay!"

The three members of S Club 7 who were in the lift - Tina Barrett, Jo O’Meara and Hannah Spearritt - clearly didn't appreciate the quip.

Jon Lee, one of the seven, came out as gay to the Gay Times in 2010. A representative for S Club 7 told BBC bosses they weren't prepared to take part in the CHildren in Need quiz alongside Shane, resulting in him being culled.

The Sun have reported a 'source' close to Shane has confirmed he made the comment, but denied it was meant to be offensive.

The source said: "The comments were clearly meant as a joke."


Daily Express.

Can't believe I'm 'earing this!

It was a joke FFS!

Sunday, 16 November 2014

The Dudleys: It's Funny Cause It's True Etc

Auction: Secret


The modestly named THE PETER TATCHELL FOUNDATION are having a secret auction.

Win a free holiday in gay-loving Marrakesh, flights and bail not included.

Oops!

Thanks to Peter Tatchell Watch.

PS How is an auction - where the richest wins - a socialist way of doing this?

Surely it is time to resign, Pete?

Except you can't resign from a one-man FUNDATION you made up...


Update...


Oops.

Oh, and can you publish your accounts, Pete?

Some of us have been waiting to see them for some time...

Lord Michael Of Cashman: The Madcap Laughs



A man screaming at the sheer pointlessness of modern life, pictured recently.

Queerty: Laughable


Keep trying to click on this Queerty story, but to no avail...


Oh, maybe that's cause they ran a story as fact they nicked off the rather obviously satirical site NewsNerd, and then deleted it?

“The nasty things they say about me online are nothing but bullying plain and simple,” Jones stated. “I cannot believe they allow anyone to post these vial things online. No one knows my story or what I have gone through. They talked about my voice, my appearance, and even tried to deny my deliverance. They can say what they want, but I am redeemed and my bowtie is cute. My pride and self-worth have been shattered into a million pieces, and each one of those pieces deserve $50.”

Oops!

Sunday: People

Elsewhere in the Sunday papers, it's GAY OK! if you just want to be rich enough to buy a flash car, a husband and kids!

Tabloid Watch: But I Read It In The Sunday Papers!!!

Well, if it's on the front page of the Sunday People, it must be true.

Just like this in the Sunday Sport.


Remember: Never question anything you read in the papers.

Life's easier that way.

Sweet dreams. x

Gay Teen: Worried

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."


The Onion.

Point? The Onion - 'America's finest news source' - is apparently up for sale.

Happy Sunday!

Saturday, 15 November 2014

EastEnders: And In Other News...

Dengie Hillbillies: Cliff Is Innocent!

For Cliff's sake, make this record number one!!

Glad to find it's not just Fagburn who sees the obvious parallels with the crucifixion of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Daily Mail: Question Of The Day

Probably not, that's why you've phrased it as a question.

See also: Did Lassie shoot JFK?

Friday, 14 November 2014

The Imitation Game: Making A Code

Respected straight actor plays tortured gay man? It's movie awards gold!

But what that galaxy of stars on the poster doesn't tell you is that even the most glowing reviewers had some serious reservations.

A problem summed up in the headline in The IndependentBenedict Cumberbatch's Alan Turing is superb - but the film is evasive over the character's sexuality.

The Daily Telegraph elaborates;

It's the lack of risk here that grates most. Turing was homosexual, got convicted for gross indecency in 1952, and committed suicide because of his persecution and loneliness. Cumberbatch can suggest all this, but only in outline, because the film backs away in embarrassment from showing a single encounter between him and another man. 

This project inches around the private life of a genius: though he gets to narrate, it adopts an extremely proper attitude towards what should stay private, which might strike some viewers as closer to 1952's prudishness than 2014's relative open-mindedness. 

It shouldn't matter in the slightest that Turing was gay. It shouldn't have ended his career in disgrace the way it did. But one can be forgiven, surely, for wondering, and wanting to see, if it mattered to him.

Peter Tatchell reminds Telegraph readers, Homophobia is still with us 60 years after the death of Alan Turing.

And the hundreds of comments from Telegraph readers show how right he is.

Mr Tatchell, most people welcome I'm sure the more enlightened times that we live in and are pleased to see the back of the pernicious laws that made life so miserable for Homosexuals. But please don't confuse a sense of weary indignation as being homophobia at having our noses rubbed in homosexuality (as well as diversity), and at having laws put on the statute books to try and normalise the abnormal. etc etc.


It's four stars from The Times, but they warn;

Directed by Morten Tyldum, the story goes from the homosexual and mathematical crushes of Turing’s Sherborne schooldays in 1928 to 1951, when detectives arrived at a botched burglary at the professor’s house in Manchester and began the investigation that led to his eventual prosecution for “gross indecency” and chemical castration at a time when homosexuality was still illegal. Yet, mysteriously, we never see Turing in an adult sexual relationship with another man.

All this sits uncomfortably with the rest of the detail provided: Turing’s gay crushes at school, his friendships, his near-marriage, his listlessness under chemical castration. Why not provide the missing piece of the human jigsaw and show that Turing could have as much passion for a man as he did for the Enigma machine? Do we detect the cold hand of the producers, who include American Harvey Weinstein, on the script, sanitising the story for the middlebrow and American market?

Tyldum is probably not to blame — the director’s fondness for dark, twisted drama was revealed in his recent Headhunters — but The Imitation Game has a whiff of Sunday evening telly conventionality. Either Turing’s hidden homosexuality should have been properly handled, or the drama should have focused purely on Hut 8.

Their review is complimented by an article; The Imitation Game’s makers on accusations of masking Turing’s sexuality

The oft-repeated complaint that the film doesn't show Turing being intimate with a gentleman has not been plucked from the pink ether either, an earlier script had a gay sex scene.

The Times quote the ever-hopeless Benedict Cumberbatch; “I would have been happy to play one of those [sex] scenes or not because to me it’s less about his sexuality than it is about love. That he loved men was just a fact for him.”

Good grief.

PS Did anyone else think the timing of Benedict's announcement of his engagement (to a lady!) just last week was, erm, timely?

ATeen: Twinkitude

Attitude have published a 'special edition teen magazine', aTEEN.

It features the gay one from Union J, some gay bloke from Towie, and something about Tom Daley.

Digital-only, it could become a quarterly print magazine.

Christian Guiltenane, the assistant editor of Attitude, told Guardian Media he wanted to create a publication that he would liked to have read as a young gay man.

“There was nothing that appealed to a 16-year-old outside the metropolis – the established gay mags tended to be aimed at an older audience with a large income and a lifestyle far removed from my own."

Fagburn wonders if he had any particular magazine in mind.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Politics: First They Came For The Gay Bulls...



Fagburn is still away, but just thought you'd like to be kept up to speed on what of great import has happened in my absence.

Sadly - nay, terrifyingly - it seems this is not a joke.

This is surely the last final death-rattle of gay politics?

Sorry to be the bringer of such bad news.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Out 100: A Poem

Famous gays
Famous gays
Everyone cares
what the famous gays say.

xx

Why are some queens surprised when a Hollywood starlet like Zac Quinto shows his disdain and distance from ordinary gay men, and talks out of his ignorant glittered and gilded bumhole?

Update: No, wait... He woz misunderstoodz!!

Russia: Elton Not Arrested Shock!

British singer Sir Elton John has criticized Russia's stance on gay rights at a concert in St. Petersburg, asking the crowd whether Pyotr Tchaikovsky's music was "sexually perverting" just because the composer was reportedly gay.

The openly gay singer, who performed in St. Petersburg on Sunday, took particular issue with the removal of a statue of Apple founder Steve Jobs in the city after his successor Tim Cook came out as gay last month.

"Can this be true? Steve's memory is re-written because his successor at Apple, Tim Cook, is gay?! Does that also make iPads 'gay propaganda'?" he told the crowd, according to a statement on his Facebook page.

In 2012, the St. Petersburg legislature banned the promotion of so-called 'gay propaganda' to minors, paving the way for the adoption a nationwide ban a year later.

John also spoke about the acclaimed Russian composer Pyotr Tchaikovsky, who was reportedly gay, asking: "Is Tchaikovsky's beautiful music 'sexually perverting?"

"If I'm not honest about who I am, I couldn't write this music. It's not gay propaganda. It's how I express life. If we start punishing people for that, the world will lose its humanity," John told the crowd...



You may have noticed that after Sir Elton said this he wasn't hauled off to a gulag. 

The Russian LGBT Network has documented over 160 pro-LGBT actions and events between January and August this year - nobody was prosecuted for taking part in any of these.

Oh, and taking down large replicas of iPhones isn't actually government policy.

But obviously the gay hysterics were right, and this is just like Nazi Germany.

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Martin Luther King: You Are Done

“Lend your sexually psychotic ear to the enclosure.

“You will find yourself in all your dirt, filth, evil and moronic talk exposed on the record for all time …

“You will find on the record for all time your filthy, dirty, evil companions, male and females giving expression with you to your hidious [sic] abnormalities.

“It is all there on the record, your sexual orgies. Listen to yourself you filthy, abnormal animal.

“You are on the record. You have been on the record – all your adulterous acts, your sexual orgies extending far into the past. This one is but a tiny sample.

“You will understand this. Yes, from your various evil playmates on the east coast to [name redacted] and others on the west coast and outside the country, you are on the record. King you are done."


From the newly redacted sections of the 'suicide letter' the FBI anonymously sent Martin Luther King in 1964, together with various cassette recordings of him having some sex fun, New York Times.

The letter concluded;

"King, there is only one thing left for you to do. You know what it is. You have just 34 days in which to do it (this exact number has been selected for a specific reason, it has definite practical significance). You are done. There is but one way out for you. You better take it before your filthy, abnormal fraudulent self is bared to the nation."

Pink News: What A Difference A Day Makes

Erm, have you ever thought about not just regurgitating stories from the mainstream media without checking them?

Ben Cohen: Sweet Charity


Ben's new calendar costs just £27.99.

Guesstimated cost of manufacture: < £1.

If you're going to Soho's Prowler Store tonight, please ask the legendary Ben Cohen where the money will be going.

Will his Standup Foundation be giving out in grants more than the usual 5-10% they do?

I asked a spokesbot for the foundation about this, and they said; 'Erm, new organisation, start-up costs, blah blah blah...'

Okay, but why has so little changed in their last published US accounts?

On Friday this leading GAY ICON and STRAIGHT ALLY is asking people to take to Twitter and use the hashtag #WhyIStandUp to support his anti-bullying work and - of course - donate.

You may also want to use it to, and this is just an example btw, ask why his US StandUp Foundation paid his (now ex) wife Abbie, £135,000 in two years, when they only gave out £35,000 in grants?

You may also like to ponder why none of this has ever been mentioned in the endless fawning coverage of GAY ICON and STRAIGHT ALLY hunky, furry, sexy Ben in the UK and US gay media.

Bad Santa.
PS Gushing Mirror interview, Friday...

“I was completely unaware of any gay following until one day about seven or eight years ago, I got a message out of the blue from a French lad, Laurence, from Paris. He had set up a fan page in honour of me on Facebook. I wondered what the hell I’d done to deserve this.

“He said ‘Ben, you are my hero and there are lots of others like me that feel the same way. There’s a group of us on Facebook’.

“So I checked it out and there were 37,000 members. When I scrolled down, I noticed they were all men. Apparently I’d become a gay icon. That was a surprise to me. I didn’t even know what that meant!"


I wonder if anything else crossed his mind?

Ker-CHING!

Monday, 10 November 2014

Fagburn: In Exile


Fagburn is away, and won't be posting much this week. x

Cumberbatch: Simpleton


Interviewed by [Andrew] Marr – who labelled him "the man they call Britain's favourite otter"
[!!??] – Cumberbatch also defended The Imitation Game against suggestions that the film doesn't pay enough attention to Bletchley Park code-breaker Alan Turing's homosexuality.

"I don’t quite know what that means because to me his sexuality is very, very clear in the film. Because we don’t show him in bed with anybody? We don’t show anyone who’s heterosexual having a moment of sexual intimacy in the film.


"The specific importance of his sexuality is the fact that it was criminalised by that society at that time and that he was punished after saving the democracy and government that was in power by that democracy and government for his identity. And I just hope that this film is about his achievements, is about his life, is about his loves as well – and it is about his sexuality and that’s very, very strongly part of his identity, both in the film and his story."

Yet more first-class guff from upper-class twit Little Lord Cumberbatch in the new Radio Times.

See also...


Lucky readers of yesterday's Sunday Telegraph got a chance to pick up a copy of Andrew Hodge's Turing biography - an official tie-in to the release this week of The Imitation Game.

Interesting, as Hodges has denounced the film's heterosexualisation of Turing.

Fagburn notes the free book is an abridged version. 

I wonder which bits they left out?

Attitude: The Body Hair Issue

Nick Jonas has admitted that he doesn’t feel the need to “wax or shave” his body hair.

The Chains singer said that he thinks being naturally groomed is “the beautiful part about being a man”.

He told Attitude that he was surprised by the reaction to some of his recent photoshoots, which have seen him show off chest and back hair.

He said: “It’s funny, I never even really thought about it; that that would be an issue. I think that I’ve never even tried to like wax or shave my chest hair or anywhere else.'


Attitude are really selling me their 8-page interview with Nick Jonas on their website.

Who knows what thrilling insights they're holding over for the print edition?

Sexy Nick on his nasal hair and toenail clippings?

Or has a guy ever hit on him? How much exactly does he love his gay fans - on a scale of one to ten? Which male celebrity does Nick think is the most good-looking? What's his workout regime? Has he ever dreamed about being pissed on by a burly fireman? etc etc etc.

Nick Jonas's rainbow crotch-grab: Especially for you.
I'm not just taking the piss here. I really am concerned as to why certain gay media can put such love and effort into their publications, but fill their websites and their tweets - major portals for the real thing - with such banalities. 

See for example...

If I wanted 'nice stories', I'd follow Enid Blyton. 

John Waters: Shock Value

I am shocked by peoples increasing desire to mass conform and belong,it seems even the "outsiders" and the "avant-garde" can only do it safely within their tribe. What shocks you, if anything?

If you are "shocked" by people's desire to mass conform, you must be awfully young! They've been trying to do that since Adam and Eve. What shocks me? Bad romantic comedies.

What "shocks" you?

Racism. Anyone that thinks gay people adopting children is wrong. Oh sure, orphanages are better.

Ever going to marry?

I doubt it. I have no real urge to copy a corny heterosexual tradition, even though I believe marriage can work. My parents had a great one. It's the bachelor party I can't face.

From a Guardian online readers' live webchat earlier today.

Shockingly, these are among the 'highlights'.

Among the questions he couldn't be arsed to answer; do you consider your films as culturally significant in the realm of queer theory? What influence has the struggle for LGBT rights had on your work in the cinema? I work in the world of developing reality television, would you ever consider developing some sort of unscripted show?

FFS!

Independent: Thinking

The Independent.

Looks more like Louis just wore a t-shirt with the old Apple logo on it, actually.

Unless mind-reading is one of this journalist/intern's many talents.

Update: Pop star completely misreads stupid article...


Understandable, as the media are always insinuating one of 1D is A SECRET GAY!

Then the silly journalist replies - and refuses to acknowledge she made the story up!


You couldn't make it up - except they do, all the fucking time.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

History Lesson: Tear Down That Wall!



Fagburn has spoken - take that, Zionist entity!

Bull: Shit

A gay breeding bull who shows no interest in mating with an field full of fertile cows is facing slaughter.

Benjy shows more of a liking for the other bulls at the farm in County Mayo, Ireland, where he was purchased to impregnate the heifers.

The pedigree Charolais beast was expected to take his pick of the female cows but checks found none of them were carrying calves.

The farmer, who wishes to remain anonymous, at first thought Benjy must have been put off by having to perform his sexual duties in public.

But the farmer has been forced to replace him and a number of the cows are now thought to be pregnant, leaving Benjy's fate in the balance.

The farmer told the Irish Daily Mail: "The bull is now too old to castrate and turn into a bullock so I will keep him for the factory.

“At first I didn’t take seriously that the bull could be gay but after seeking advice I know this can happen."



I'm not saying today is a slow (gay) news day, but...

Oh, and a brilliant choice of image, too.

Any chance of a silly poll?

Rainbow List 2014: Under The Influence

Our judges debated long and hard, weighing several forms of "influence" in making their choices. We even invented a new rule, known as The Janet Jackson Rule: "What has s/he done for us lately?" The result honours those who have long and brave histories of standing up for equal rights, even when equality wasn't even legal, as well as youngsters whose openness in the past year shows children (and adults) that who they are and whom they love need not be a barrier to success in any walk of life...

It's hard to know where to start with this one.

Despite The IoS rebranding their annual Pink List of 101 LGBTs of note, the Rainbow List, it was reassuring to see this year's selection is as ridiculous as ever.

Michael Cashman is in with a bullet at number one - though strangely this highly influential gayer was not in the hot 100 last year.

It's hard to see what has changed, beyond the former EastEnders actor being elevated to the House of Lords for services to Blairite brown-nosing.

What has he done for us lately?

Erm, in February he cut up his Visa card in the European parliament cause, you know, Russia.

Take that, Putin!

Maybe Michael got the sympathy vote - his civil partner and 'researcher', Paul Cottingham, died last month.

Of course it would be churlish to speculate there was some 'Vote for Michael' campaign organised by Labour Party HQ.

There's another high entry at number three - Vicky Beeching, a lesbian Christian Country singer!

Erm...

If nothing else, I'm sure she's definitely the most influential lesbian Christian Country singer in the UK.

Does anyone seriously believe that anyone would have voted for Simon Topham (60), beyond maybe some of his adoring slaves at Millivres Prowler Group?

Luckily one of them, his loyal lieutenant Kim Watson, was on the judging panel.

Mind you, you can get on the Rainbow List with nominations in double figures.


As every year, the whole list is hampered by its tokenism; I'm sure Claire Harvey, the 'Team GB sitting-volleyball Paralympic captain' is a wonderful woman, but should she really be at number 38?

Thankfully there's no-one here nowhere near as record-breakingly pointless as last year's number 16, David Gwinnutt, the inventor of the Pink Jack flag!

But so many placings seem random and/or baffling.

The short blurbs describing people's achievements are so slapdash they must have been written by a particularly dim intern after a quick Google.

Separate lists for gay men, lesbians and trans people - put to a popular vote with no 'judges' tinkering - would be far more interesting and illuminating.

As it stands, this shit list is still Britain's biggest gay joke.

PS They say you can leave comments about the list, but you can't, oddly.

It's a shame because I wanted to thank all the people who voted repeatedly for themselves.

Westminister: It's A Scandal

A whistleblower who claimed Cabinet ministers enjoyed sex parties with rent boys is to be quizzed by police investigating the Westminster abuse scandal.

Former Tory activist Anthony Gilberthorpe says he told Margaret Thatcher 25 years ago about what he had witnessed and gave her names.

The Sunday Mirror revealed in July how he claimed to have seen top Tories enjoying sex with boys at drug-fuelled parties.

He claimed to have supplied youngsters as young as 15 for MPs during conferences at Blackpool and Brighton in the 1980s.

Mr Gilberthorpe said one who attended a sex party is a serving minister and that others included Thatcher Education Secretary Keith Joseph, former Attorney General Michael Havers and top Tory Rhodes Boyson...



This story is so clearly ludicrous, that if the police do interview him they could be accused of wasting their own time.

Warhol: His Name Was Always Billy

There is an interview with Billy Name, photographer-in-residence at Warhol's Factory,  in The Observer.

He doesn't say much.

Fagburn interviewed Billy once, he didn't say much then, either.

He's also gay as a lorry, but oh so butch, and mad as a silver paintbrush.

Thought For The Day: Richard Coles

It’s not a bad thing to fuck up. Particularly if you have been parading around on a pedestal for a bit, to crash and burn and look a complete idiot is not a bad thing.

The Rev Richard Coles in The Observer.

He also says...

There are far more profitable ways of engaging with people than dogging. But I have to say, for me it did serve a very salutary purpose because I discovered people wanted to have sex with me. The nicest man I ever met I met dogging. We’re still friends. But don’t do it: it’s very dangerous.

Fagburn hopes he manages to work these thoughts into today's sermon at the Church of St Mary the Virgin in Finedon.

PS You can go and see Richard talk at St Paul's Cathedral on Tuesday. It's free, and almost certainly his biggest gig since he left The Communards.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Guardian: Blind Date

Fagburn's comrade-in-blogs, The Guyliner, has started a new one, Impeccable Table Manners.

In which, he scoffs at the responses in Guardian Weekend's cringey Blind Date feature, so we don't have to.

Enjoy!